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Finding Comfort Through Shared Memories: Meaningful Ways to Remember a Loved One

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 11:46:36 GMT

Losing a loved one can create a deep sense of loss—but shared memories can become a powerful source of comfort, connection, and healing.

While a funeral or memorial service offers an important opportunity to honor a life, remembrance often continues well beyond that day. For many families, it unfolds gradually in the weeks, months, and years that follow.

At Buch Family of Funeral Homes , we believe remembrance is an ongoing journey. Through shared stories, preserved keepsakes, and personal traditions, families can continue to feel close to those they have lost while honoring the legacy they leave behind.

Sharing Stories to Keep Memories Alive

Storytelling is one of the most meaningful ways to remember a loved one. Recalling shared experiences allows families to reflect, reconnect, and find comfort in familiar moments.

Family gatherings : Encourage loved ones to share memories during holidays, reunions, or significant dates such as birthdays or anniversaries.
Memory circles : Invite each person to share a favorite story, lesson, or quality they admired.
Conversation prompts : Questions like “What’s a moment with them that always makes you smile?” or “What’s something they taught you?” can help guide reflection.

These moments of shared remembrance often bring both laughter and tears, strengthening family bonds while honoring a life well lived.

Preserving Photos and Meaningful Keepsakes

Photographs and personal items can provide lasting comfort, helping families revisit meaningful moments and milestones.

Create a memory book or photo album : Include favorite photos, handwritten notes, or decriptions that capture special memories.
Digital memorials : Online galleries or slideshows allow family and friends to share memories across distances.
Keepsake displays : Items such as letters, jewelry, or mementos can be displayed in a dedicated space for quiet reflection.

Preserving these items allows families to revisit memories at their own pace and find comfort as grief evolves over time.

Creating Remembrance Traditions Throughout the Year

Small, intentional traditions can offer a sense of continuity and connection long after a loss.

Lighting a candle : Mark special dates by lighting a candle and reflecting on good memories.
Preparing a favorite recipe : Cooking a loved one’s favorite meal can evoke warm memories and shared traditions.
Giving back : Volunteering or dona ting to a cau se they cared about keeps their v al ues and spirit alive.

Families may also find peace of mind by Planning Ahead , which allows loved ones to make thoughtful decisions in advance and ease future burdens.

Grief Support Resources for Families

Grief looks different for everyone, and there is no set timeline for healing. Buch Family of Funeral Homes offers a variety of grief support resources to help families navigate life after loss.

Families may find guidance in our What To Do After the Funeral resources, which provide practical next steps and helpful checklists.

Additional resources include:

The Grieving Process – Understanding common emotional responses to loss
Children & Grief – Helping children cope with and express their feelings
Grief Resources – Support groups, educational materials, and trusted tools

For additional clarity at any stage, families are also encouraged to visit our Common Questions page, which addresses common concerns about services, planning, and what to expect.

These resources are available whenever families feel ready, whether immediately after a loss or years later.

Honoring Memories That Endure

There is no single way to grieve or remember. What matters most is choosing approaches that feel meaningful to your family and reflect the life you are honoring.

Whether through shared stories, quiet reflection, or cherished traditions, remembrance can help ease the weight of loss and keep love present in everyday life.

At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we are here to support families not only during funeral services, but throughout their ongoing journey of remembrance and healing.

Funeral Service as a Celebration of a Life Well-Lived

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 14:07:38 GMT

Honoring a loved one’s life is about more than saying goodbye. It's a meaningful time to reflect on the moments, relationships, and contributions that shaped their story.

In the days following a loss, emotions can feel heavy and scattered. A funeral service offers a steady, supportive place for family and friends to gather and remember their loved one. It provides a meaningful setting to acknowledge the significance of a life, reconnect with one another, and begin healing through shared reflection.

A thoughtful service can provide:

Connection , allowing loved ones to lean on each other for strength.
Recognition , focusing on the person's life rather than their passing.
Perspective , encouraging reflection on the ways their influence continues.
Comfort , surrounding mourners with compassion and community.

Rather than marking an ending, a funeral service honors the depth of a life and the legacy that's left behind.

Making the Service Personal and Authentic

Every individual’s life is made up of moments, passions, and experiences worth remembering. Personalizing a service helps convey those details in a genuine and comforting way, and our funeral services offer families a variety of ways to honor those unique stories.”

Families may choose to include meaningful elements such as:

Music that reflects their loved one’s style or spirit
Favorite readings or scripture passages
Photo displays or treasured keepsakes
Short reflections from friends or relatives
Symbolic gestures like candle-lighting or preparing a memory box

These touches help create a service that feels true to the person being honored and offers guests a chance to reflect on who the person was throughout their life.

Celebration in the Midst of Grief

Grief is natural, yet moments of gratitude and celebration often rise alongside it. A celebration-of-life approach allows those gathered to focus not only on the loss, but on the laughter shared, the wisdom given, and the everlasting memories. Recognizing these gifts can help bring light and happiness into a difficult time and remind everyone that a person’s story continues through the memories they leave behind. Our grief support resources offer additional comfort as families navigate the days ahead.

The Healing Power of Shared Stories

Stories often become the heart of a funeral service. A favorite memory, a humorous moment, or a simple act of kindness can reveal the many ways a life has touched others. These reflections strengthen bonds among those in attendance, spark familiar smiles, and help keep the person’s presence alive in a meaningful way.

Honoring Legacy in Your Own Way

Every family has different traditions, values, and expectations—and every service can reflect those differences. Some prefer a quiet, private gathering. Others choose a vibrant celebration filled with music, photographs, or video tributes. Whether traditional, contemporary, spiritual, or informal, the goal is to create a space that feels authentic and comforting.

Compassionate Support When It Matters Most

Planning a service while grieving can feel overwhelming, which is why compassionate guidance is so important. At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, our staff offers steady support and thoughtful direction, along with helpful pre-planning resources that allow families to make choices with confidence.

A funeral service is ultimately a moment of love—an acknowledgment that a life made a difference. Through memories, traditions, and shared reflection, that impact continues to shine.

If you would like help creating a meaningful, personalized service, our team is here to walk with you every step of the way.

Honoring Heroes: Funeral and Memorial Service Options for Veterans

Thu, 25 Sep 2025 15:26:35 GMT

When a loved one has served our country, their farewell deserves to be as meaningful as their life of service. At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we are honored to help families plan services that reflect both the courage of their military service and the love they shared in everyday life.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is one of life’s most difficult journeys. It can affect every part of our being—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Funeral and memorial services for veterans involve traditions and benefits that are unique, but they also offer opportunities to personalize the tribute and celebrate the person. Here’s a closer look at the options available and how we help families navigate them.

Military Funeral Honors

For those who served, military funeral honors are a powerful way to pay tribute. The ceremony may include the folding and presentation of the U.S. flag, the playing of “Taps” and, in some cases, a rifle salute.

These traditions can take place at the funeral home, a place of worship, or the graveside, and our staff works closely with military personnel and veterans’ organizations to make sure they are carried out with the dignity your loved one deserves.

Burial and Memorial Options

Many veterans, as well as their spouses and dependent children, qualify for burial in a national or state veterans cemetery . This benefit typically includes a gravesite, opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, and a government-issued headstone or marker. Even if a family chooses a private cemetery, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs may still provide a marker at no cost, ensuring the veteran’s service is permanently remembered.

For cremation, veterans can be interred in a columbarium or memorial garden within a veteran’s cemetery. Families may also choose to hold a separate memorial service or celebration of life at the funeral home, a place of worship, or a meaningful location like a park or community hall.

VA Benefits and Certificates

The Department of Veterans Affairs provides several meaningful benefits for those who served, and understanding what’s available can make a significant difference. Families can request a Presidential Memorial Certificate , a burial flag, and in some cases, reimbursement for certain burial expenses.

The VA also supplies a variety of headstones and markers —upright or flat in granite, marble, or bronze—which can include personalized inscriptions and emblems of belief. For veterans choosing cremation, placement in a VA columbarium with a niche marker is also available.

It’s important to know that these benefits are not automatic. Eligibility generally requires an honorable discharge, and families must apply by submitting the proper forms. Our staff helps guide families through the process, so every honor is received without added stress.

Personalizing the Service

Military traditions are beautiful, but we also encourage families to celebrate the person behind the uniform. A meaningful service might include:

Displaying uniforms, medals, photos, or personal items that reflect their life
Creating a memory table or video tribute featuring stories and images from their service
Playing favorite music—whether patriotic or simply something they loved
Inviting comrades-in-arms, friends, or family members to share memories

These details help transform the service into a heartfelt reflection of a life well lived.

Support Beyond the Service

Planning a funeral is only part of the journey. Through our Aftercare Program , we continue supporting families with grief resources, benefit guidance, and practical help in the weeks and months that follow. Whether it’s assistance with paperwork or simply having someone to listen, our staff is here to walk beside you.

At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we believe a veteran’s farewell should be as honorable as their service. If you are planning for a veteran’s funeral or considering arrangements in advance, we invite you to contact us . It is our privilege to help you create a meaningful tribute.

The Importance of Self-Care During Grief

rgordon@prworksinc.com (Ruthanna Gordon) — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 16:05:20 GMT

Self-care during grief may not always come naturally. But taking small, intentional steps to tend to your physical and emotional well-being can make the journey more bearable—and even allow healing to begin.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is one of life’s most difficult journeys. It can affect every part of our being—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we have supported generations of families in Central Pennsylvania, and one thing we’ve learned is this: to honor your loved one well, you must also care for yourself.

Tending to Your Physical Health

Grief doesn’t just weigh on the heart—it affects the entire body.

Disrupted sleep, loss of appetite, and fatigue are all common. That’s why we gently encourage families to take care of their basic needs, even during difficult days:

Eat simple, nourishing meals, even if your appetite is low.
Stay hydrated—grief can be dehydrating.
Get rest, even if that means taking short naps throughout the day.
Move your body, whether that’s a short walk, a few stretches, or time outdoors.

Showing your body kindness can provide a steadier foundation for coping with loss.

Making Space for Emotions

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some days may bring tears and others may bring numbness or even moments of laughter. All of it is natural. What’s important is allowing your emotions to be felt, not buried.

On our Grieving Process page, we explore the emotional journey many people experience after loss—including common feelings, the stages of grief, and the ways those emotions may change over time. Understanding that grief moves at its own pace—and that you’re not alone in what you feel—can bring tremendous relief.

Let yourself express what’s within, whether through journaling, talking to a friend, spending time in quiet reflection, or simply acknowledging the ache.

Staying Connected with Others

Grief can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Staying connected to others, especially those who listen without judgment, can be a vital part of healing.

At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we connect families with local and national grief resources designed to walk alongside you. Whether you explore our Grief Resources or talk directly with our staff, we’re here to guide you toward the support that’s right for you.

Sometimes, just knowing someone is willing to listen can lighten the weight of sorrow.

Gentle Steps Toward Healing

If you’re unsure where to begin, consider starting small. Grief doesn’t ask for perfection—only presence.

Here are a few gentle self-care practices:

Begin the day with a quiet breath or moment of prayer.
Take a short walk, even if it’s just around the block.
Accept help when it’s offered.
Let yourself laugh when the moment comes. Joy can exist alongside grief.
Keep a notebook nearby to jot down thoughts, memories, or feelings.

Over time, small acts of care become building blocks for resilience and hope.

We Are Here for You

At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, our commitment to care goes far beyond the service. We are here to support you as grief continues to unfold, whether through education, community referrals, or simply being available to talk.

If you or someone you love is grieving, we encourage you to visit our Grieving Process page to learn more about what to expect and how to cope. Or reach out to our team for personal support. We are always here to walk beside you with compassion and understanding.

Grief is not something to “get over.” It is something to carry, honor, and live through. And with care, you don’t have to carry it alone.

Choosing A Funeral Home That Meets Your Needs

rgordon@prworksinc.com (Ruthanna Gordon) — Fri, 30 May 2025 21:01:44 GMT

We understand the importance of finding a place that not only meets your logistical needs but also feels like a trusted partner in a deeply personal journey.

When faced with the loss of a loved one, or when planning ahead for your own final arrangements, choosing the right funeral home can feel overwhelming. It’s a decision filled with emotion, practical considerations, and a desire to honor a life well lived. At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we understand the importance of finding a place that not only meets your logistical needs but also feels like a trusted partner in a deeply personal journey.

Here are a few important factors to consider as you choose a funeral home that aligns with your values, preferences, and budget.

Look for Compassionate, Personalized Care

Every family is different, and so is every funeral service. A good funeral home will take time to understand your needs, listen to your wishes, and guide you through the options with patience and kindness. Whether you're arranging a traditional service, a simple cremation, or a personalized celebration of life, the right team will help you create something meaningful.

At Buch, our family has been serving the community for generations specializing in a range of funeral services and cremation options . We take pride in treating every family like our own—with empathy, attentiveness, and respect.

Explore Service Options and Flexibility

Not every funeral home offers the same range of services. Some families may want a full visitation and religious service while others may prefer a quiet graveside ceremony or a memorial at a later date. Look for a provider that offers a wide variety of services and is open to personalization—from music and readings to keepsakes and tributes.

At Buch, we offer both traditional and modern options, including cremation services , pre-planning , veterans' services , and grief support . Our goal is to help you honor a life in a way that feels authentic and healing.

Consider Location and Facilities

Convenience matters, especially during a difficult time. Choosing a funeral home that is accessible for family and friends, and equipped with comfortable, welcoming spaces, can help ease the burden.

Buch Family of Funeral Homes operates in Lititz , Manheim , and Mount Joy —serving Lancaster and the surrounding communities with care and convenience. Each location is designed to offer a warm environment where families can gather, reflect, and remember.

Review Pricing and Transparency

Affordability is an important consideration, but so is clarity. A trustworthy funeral home will provide clear pricing and work within your budget without making you feel pressured or unsure.

We believe in open, honest communication. Our staff are always available to walk you through costs, explain your options, and help you find a plan that works for you. Whether you’re making immediate arrangements or planning ahead, we’re here to support you. Explore our pre-funding options for more information.

Align with Shared Values

For many families, the decision on a funeral home comes down to trust. Does the funeral home operate with integrity? Do they genuinely care about your well-being? Do they respect your cultural, religious, or personal preferences?

At Buch, our values are rooted in service, compassion, and community. We’ve built our reputation on treating every family with the dignity and care they deserve. Read more about our history and commitment .

Allow Us to Walk With You

Choosing a funeral home is more than selecting a provider—it’s choosing a partner to help you navigate one of life’s most tender moments. Whether you are planning ahead, or experiencing a recent loss, Buch Family of Funeral Homes is here to support you with experience, grace, and heartfelt care.

If you’d like to learn more about our services or speak with a member of our team, we invite you to reach out anytime. You can also begin the process from the comfort of your home using our online pre-planning guide .

The Benefits of Pre-Arranging Your Funeral

rgordon@prworksinc.com (Ruthanna Gordon) — Tue, 18 Mar 2025 15:29:10 GMT

Give your loved ones the gift of peace of mind by pre-planning your funeral.

Planning for a funeral may not be an easy topic to consider, but it is one of the most thoughtful things you can do for your loved ones. At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we have helped countless families through difficult times, and we have seen how pre-planning relieves emotional and financial stress. By planning in advance, you ensure your final wishes are honored and your family is not left with overwhelming decisions or unexpected expenses.

Peace of Mind for You and Your Loved Ones

Losing a loved one is an emotional and overwhelming experience. Without a plan in place, families are often left making difficult choices during a time of grief. Pre-arranging your funeral removes this burden by ensuring the details are documented and clear. Instead of having to make decisions on burial or cremation , service details, or financial arrangements, your loved ones can focus on honoring your life and supporting each other.

Why Pre-Plan? : Pre-planning ensures your funeral aligns with your wishes while sparing your family from making decisions during an emotional time. Whether you want a traditional service, a simple gathering, or a unique celebration of life, everything will be clearly outlined in advance.
Pre-Planning Benefits : Arranging your funeral in advance allows you to personalize every aspect, from music and readings to burial or cremation preferences, ensuring the service reflects your life and values.

Financial Protection: Locking in Costs & Reducing Expenses

One of the biggest concerns for families after a loss is the financial impact of a funeral. Funeral costs tend to rise over time, but pre-arranging allows you to lock in today’s prices and prevent unexpected financial strain on your loved ones. Instead of facing sudden expenses, your family will have a secure plan in place that ensures everything is taken care of.

Pre-Funding Options : You can pre-pay for your funeral through flexible options such as trust funds, funeral insurance, or installment plans. This spreads costs over time rather than placing a financial burden on your family later.
How Prepayment Works : By prepaying, your money is safely held in a funeral trust or insurance policy, ensuring it is available when needed. You have full control over the plan, and in many cases, it can be transferred if you relocate.

Ensuring Your Wishes Are Honored

Pre-planning allows you to customize every aspect of your funeral, ensuring that your service reflects your values, beliefs, and personality. Whether you prefer a traditional funeral, cremation, or a personalized celebration of life, making these choices in advance ensures that your family does not have to make tough decisions on your behalf.

Personalization Options : You can specify everything from the type of service to the music, readings, or even theme that reflects your life. If you want a favorite song played, a military honor guard, or a specific dress code, pre-planning ensures these details are followed.
Service Types : Whether you prefer burial in a family plot, cremation with an urn placed in a memorial garden, or an eco-friendly green burial, pre-planning lets you choose the option that best aligns with your wishes.

How to Get Started with Pre-Planning

Pre-planning is easier than you might think. At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we provide several ways to start the process based on what works best for you.

Schedule a Consultation : Our Prearrangement Specialist, Adam Kraut, can discuss your options in person, by phone, or online. He is here to guide you through your choices and answer any questions.
Use Our Online Pre-Planning Form : If you prefer to start the process on your own, our secure online planning form allows you to outline your preferences at your own pace, from the comfort of your home.
Explore Payment Options : We offer trust funds, insurance-backed funeral plans, and flexible payment options to fit your budget and provide long-term financial security for your family.

Common Concerns & Myths About Pre-Planning

Some common misconceptions prevent people from pre-planning, but the truth is funeral pre-arrangements provide security and flexibility.

“It’s Too Early to Plan”: Many believe funeral planning is only for the elderly, but pre-arranging at any stage of life ensures you have control over your decisions. Learn more about why it is never too early to plan.
“Pre-Paying Means I Can’t Change My Mind”: Most pre-planning options allow for adjustments if your preferences change, or you move to another area. You can transfer your plan to another funeral home if needed. See how flexible pre-planning can be.
“Pre-Arranging is Expensive”: In reality, locking in today’s prices protects against inflation and rising costs. Plus, payment plans make it easier to budget over time. Find out how prepaying saves money.

Give Your Loved Ones the Gift of Peace of Mind

Pre-arranging your funeral is one of the most meaningful gifts you can leave for your family. It provides clarity, protects them from unexpected expenses, and ensures your final wishes are conducted. At Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we are here to guide you through every step in this process with care and compassion. If you have any questions or are ready to begin pre-planning, we are happy to help.

Understanding Different Types of Funeral Services

rgordon@prworksinc.com (Ruthanna Gordon) — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 20:58:37 GMT

Choosing the right funeral service is a personal journey, and understanding your options can help you craft a heartfelt tribute to your loved one.

Planning a funeral is never easy, and the numerous options to consider can make it feel overwhelming. From traditional burial funerals to cremation to memorial services and green burials, each choice offers a unique way to honor the life of a loved one.

Understanding the key differences between these services is crucial for making informed decisions that truly reflects your loved one’s life and wishes.

Traditional Funeral Services

Traditional funerals usually follow a structured format designed to honor and remember a loved one in a formal manner. Key components typically include:

Viewing or Visitation : This gathering allows family and friends to pay their respects, offer condolences, and view the deceased. It can be held at a funeral home or arranged at another venue and may be open to the public or reserved for close family and friends.
Funeral Ceremony : The main service, often held at a funeral home, chapel, or in a religious setting, typically includes eulogies, prayers, readings, and music reflecting the deceased's life, values, and faith. The ceremony may also include cultural or religious rituals.
Procession : Following the ceremony, a procession, often led by a hearse, leads family and friends to the burial site, where the deceased will be laid to rest.
Burial or Entombment : This is the interment of the body. Burial involves placing the casket in the ground, while entombment places the body in a mausoleum.
Committal Service : A brief service at the gravesite or mausoleum includes final prayers or rituals before the body is formally laid to rest.
Post-Funeral Gathering : The family often hosts a reception or meal after the service, providing an opportunity for people to share memories, offer support, and reflect together.

Cremation Services

Cremation offers flexibility in timing, location, and the type of tribute. The process typically involves:

Preparation and Viewing : Similar to a traditional funeral, some families choose to have a viewing or visitation before the cremation. The body is prepared, and a formal or informal gathering may be held, depending on cultural or religious preferences.
Funeral or Memorial Service : A service can be held before or after cremation at a funeral home, religious venue, or another location. It may include eulogies, prayers, readings, and music. Direct cremation, without a service, is also an option for those who prefer a simpler ceremony.
Cremation Process : After the service (or without one), the body is transferred to a crematorium and cremated at high temperatures. The ashes are then carefully collected.
Return of Ashes : After cremation, the ashes are returned to the family in an urn. Families may choose to keep the urn, scatter the ashes in a meaningful location, or incorporate the ashes into memorial items like jewelry or art.
Post-Cremation Gathering : Families may hold a reception or memorial gathering to share memories and offer support. These gatherings are often more flexible and personalized than those following traditional funerals.

Memorial Services

A memorial service is an occasion where family and friends honor and celebrate the life of the deceased, similar to a traditional service but held after the deceased has been cremated or buried:

Gathering : Family and friends come together to remember and celebrate the deceased. These events can take place weeks or months after the passing, as the body is not present.
Eulogies and Tributes : Family members or friends may share personal stories, memories, and reflections about the deceased, honoring their life and legacy.
Music and Readings : Memorial services often include meaningful music, poems, or readings that reflect the deceased's personality, values, or beliefs.
Photos and Displays : Visual tributes such as photos, videos, or memorabilia are often displayed to celebrate the deceased’s life.
Symbolic Rituals : The service may include rituals like lighting candles, sharing a moment of silence, or prayers.
Post-Service Gathering : A reception or gathering for family and friends may follow the service.

Green Burials

Green burials are an environmentally friendly way to honor a loved one while minimizing the impact on the earth. They typically involve:

Simple Preparation : The body is prepared without the use of chemicals such as embalming fluids. The deceased is usually dressed in biodegradable clothing, and any materials used for the burial, such as a casket, are made from natural, non-toxic materials like wood, wicker, or cardboard.
Natural Burial Site : Green burials often occur in designated natural cemeteries or serene, undeveloped conservation areas preserved for future generations.
No Concrete Vaults : Unlike traditional burials, green burials avoid the use of concrete burial vaults or liners, allowing the body and casket to naturally decompose and return to the earth.
Minimal Markers : Grave markers are usually simple and made from natural materials like stones or wooden plaques. In some green burial sites, markers aren’t used at all, with the focus being on preserving the environment rather than creating permanent memorials.
Ecological Preservation : Green burial practices often aim to protect and restore natural habitats, with many burial sites dedicated to conservation efforts, providing habitats for wildlife or helping to preserve endangered ecosystems.

Choosing the right funeral service is a deeply personal decision. Whether you opt for a traditional funeral, cremation, memorial service, or green burial, each provides a meaningful way to pay tribute. Buch Family of Funeral Homes is committed to helping families explore these options with sensitivity and compassion, enabling you to make decisions that will create just the right service for your loved one and bring comfort.

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 18:01:29 GMT

Pets are such a special source of friendship, joy, unconditional love and companionship.

By Patti Anewalt, Grief Counselor, Pathways Center for Grief & Loss

As a grief counselor, I’ve listened to many people grieving the death of their pet. Sometimes the loss of a pet is your last connection to your loved one who also died. Perhaps the companionship of your pet helped offset loneliness after the death of a loved one.

Often a lot of guilt is associated with deciding to euthanize a pet. Others don’t understand and might encourage you to get another pet, long before you feel ready. In a survey conducted by Honest Paws, a manufacturer of holistic pet products, 68% of respondents said grieving the loss of their pet was more difficult than the death of a family member or friend. Another 17% said pet loss was equal to that of a family member or friend.

Consider some of the following suggestions:

Know and accept that your functioning won’t be up to par – you have lost an important, integral part of your life.
Consider having a small ceremony in memory of your pet. Invite family and friends and share favorite memories.
Keep a journal or perhaps write out your feelings of loss in a letter to your pet.
Keep some mementos in your home or yard as a place you can visit to think about your pet.
Maintain your routines - if your pet was a dog that you walked regularly, keep up that routine and reflect on the walks you shared.
Recognize your feelings as they arise and seek out others who are sympathetic and willing to listen.

The love your pet had for you was unconditional. That’s something precious and difficult to find. Pets are such a special source of friendship, joy, unconditional love and companionship. Jon Katz, author of Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die believes a pet’s legacy and purpose is to help us be better human beings. You won’t ever forget a pet who gave you so much to remember. Treasure that gift!

The Pathways Center for Grief & Loss offers many grief programs, including Pet Loss Workshops. To learn more visit - https://www.hospiceandcommunitycare.org/grief-and-loss/ .

Helpful Tips On What To Write In A Sympathy Card

Fri, 28 Jun 2024 21:11:00 GMT

Struggling to find the right words when sending a sympathy card?

Struggling to find the right words when sending a sympathy card? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Some of your author’s anxiety should be relieved knowing that there is no perfect condolence message and no exact words you should write.

A handwritten card is one of the most personal forms of communication. The simple act of sending a sympathy card is what matters most. Receiving a sympathy card is a tangible way for grieving families to understand how much the person they’ve lost was valued and loved by others.

Keep It Short And Use Your Own Words

There’s no rule about how long your message should be. So, you can keep your message short.

Remember, it’s OK to mention the person’s name and better to use the words die and died instead of euphemisms.

If everything you try to write feels wrong or awkward, try imagining what you would say to the person if they were standing in front of you. No matter how you say it, your words will be appreciated.

Avoid Comparing Your Experience

Don’t assume you understand how they feel. It is tempting to relate your own grief experiences or feelings with someone who is newly grieving. However, avoid making comparisons to their situation or focusing on your experiences. Keep in mind that everyone has a unique grief journey and what worked for you may not work for them.

Share Your Memories With Them

One of the greatest gifts that we can give families that have lost a loved one is sharing our memories and stories about them. Memories can also offer a little laughter in a sad time. Reading your story will help the family feel connected to their loved one and bring some comfort.

If You Offer To Help, Follow Up

Many people don’t feel comfortable asking for help. So, saying to them, “Let me know if you need anything,” is too vague and noncommittal. Offer to help only if you are actually willing to commit to it. Offer concrete things you can do, like cooking a meal, doing yardwork, providing childcare or taking a walk with them. The most important part is to follow through with your offer.

Another way of helping is to send the family messages of support in the weeks and months following the loss of their loved one. Immediately following a death, there is an abundance of attention. You can do this at a later time, when the grieving person may need extra support.

Some Things You Should Avoid Saying

There are a few phrases you should avoid writing in a sympathy card, including:

· “I know how you feel.”

· “She/he was so young.”

· “Everything happens for a reason.”

· “They’re in a better place now.”

· “It was his/her time.”

· “Things are going to get better.”

Include a Picture

If you have a special photo of the person who has died, include a copy in the sympathy card. It’s a way to provide the family with a new memory.

It’s Never Too Late

Whether it be two days, two months or two years, it’s never too late to send a sympathy message. Regardless of how much time has passed, the person is still gone, and the family still misses them.

While words written in a card can’t erase the pain of losing a loved one, they can help a grieving person feel loved and supported by their friends and community.

The Basics Of Death Certificates Explained

Tue, 20 Feb 2024 19:55:58 GMT

Most people don’t give much thought to death certificates until they have a death in the family. A death certificate is the permanent legal record needed to prove that a person has actually died.

In 1902, when the U.S. Bureau of the Census was made a permanent agency of the federal government, the legislation authorized the director of the Bureau to obtain, annually, copies of records filed in the vital statistics offices of those states and cities that have death registration systems. A standard death certificate format was developed around 1910 and by 1915, the national registration was established. In 1933, all states were required to record births and deaths and provide data to the federal Census Bureau.

In Pennsylvania, a physician (or other qualified medical professional) must sign a death certificate within 96 hours of the death occurring. The death certificate provides important information about the decedent, such as age, sex, race, date of death, his or her parents, and, if married, the name of the spouse; information on circumstances and cause of death; and final disposition. The filing of the death certificate is the responsibility of the funeral director. The registrar signs the last section of the death certificate and submits it to the PA Vital Records.

Buch Funeral Home will submit an electronic death certificate, which will notify Social Security. In addition, if the person qualifies for Veteran’s death benefits, Buch will notify the Veteran’s Administration of the death. You will need to provide certified copies of the death certificate, which the funeral home will supply to you, when you are managing a pension, claiming life insurance, closing accounts and transferring ownership of any vehicles, real estate, or other property. The checklist below will help you determine how many copies of the death certificate you may need.

Register of Wills
Pension & Retirement
Life Insurance*
Health Insurance
Credit Cards*
Personal Loans
Home Mortgage
Bank Accounts*
Safe Deposit
Financial Investments
Department of Motor Vehicles
Real Estate Deeds
State Revenue Department
Internal Revenue Service

* one copy needed for each company, financial institution, policy and/or account

If you find that you need additional copies of the death certificate, you can contact Buch Funeral Home to obtain additional copies within 90 days of the date of death. Copies requested after 90 days must be processed by Vital Records in New Castle, PA. You can also order copies of the death certificate online at https://www.health.pa.gov or https://mycertificates.health.pa.gov.

All fees for death certificates are established by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and paid directly to them. Currently, the standard death certificate fee is $20, along with a processing fee. This fee may be waived for records of individuals who served in the Armed Forces and their dependents.

In Pennsylvania, applicants must be 18 years of age or older to request a death certificate and include the following: a spouse or ex-spouse, parent or step-parent, child or step-child, sibling or half-sibling, grandparent or great-grandparent, grandchild or great-grandchild, or legal representative. To request a certificate, you’ll need to have proof that you’re related to the deceased. You may also be required to provide additional information, like their last known address, race, birthplace, or marital status.

To request the certificate, you’ll likely need the following information about the deceased:

Full legal name
Sex
Social Security Number
Date of birth
Date of death
Place of death
Father’s legal name
Mother’s maiden name

You Can Still Find Reasons To Give Thanks During Thanksgiving

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 16:04:04 GMT

Bring their memory to the table

Serve up a tasty reminder by preparing some of your loved one’s favorite recipes. Give a Thanksgiving toast or prayer that acknowledges the role that they played in your family’s lives. Consider creating a centerpiece made up of mementos from their life for the table. Or go around the table and ask each person to share something they are grateful for about the person who has died.

Do something together to honor their memory

There are many Thanksgiving Day events that your family can participate in to honor your loved one’s memory. Sign up for a turkey trot or charity walk. Watch one of their favorite movies together. Attend a remembrance service. Donate food or money in their name. Help to serve a Thanksgiving meal to families in need.

Continue to share your memories

Every family has their favorite stories and memories that they tell that highlight the unique personalities of each member. Be sure to continue sharing your memories and reminisce about those that you have lost. Whether it’s at the dinner table or during the football game, simply talking about your loved one is often what we need most after a loss.

Accept that this Thanksgiving will be different. Try to find the balance between moments of grief and moments of joy. Listen to your intuition and only do what you can manage. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. Grief is hard and tiring. Get plenty of sleep and give yourself permission to let in some joy this Thanksgiving.

Why You Need To Keep Beneficiary Designations Up To Date

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 15:51:13 GMT

Who can be a beneficiary?

In most cases, people name their spouse, children or someone who financially depends on them as beneficiaries. A beneficiary can also be a sibling, other family member, friend, charity or trust. There are two types of beneficiaries: primary and contingent. If the primary beneficiary is deceased, then the asset goes to the contingent beneficiary.

Why is it important to designate beneficiaries?

Beneficiary designations take effect immediately after death. Because of this, they override any instructions that may be in a will regarding the distribution of assets. Having beneficiaries named on an account circumvents the probate process and helps ensure that assets can be transferred to heirs without delay.

Even if you write a legal will leaving the assets to another person, whoever is listed as the beneficiary on your accounts is the person who will inherit. Matching beneficiary designations with provisions in your will can ensure that your wishes are followed properly.

Retirement account beneficiaries

Even changing your job can necessitate updating your beneficiary. If you roll over your retirement account, make sure that the account lists the correct beneficiaries. Previous beneficiary designations generally will not automatically move with your assets.

Provisions for beneficiaries vary from plan to plan and state law — some of which automatically eliminate former spouses as beneficiaries. However, for many employer-sponsored retirement plans, such as 401(k) plans, these laws do not apply.

A cautionary tale

Suppose you married in your twenties, had two children and set up a life insurance policy, naming your then-spouse as beneficiary. Fifteen years later, you have divorced and remarried, and now, you have a child with your new partner. If you never updated your beneficiaries on your life insurance policy, your ex-spouse would inherit, leaving no proceeds for your current spouse or any of your three children.

Take the time now to check that beneficiary information on your accounts is accurate and up to date. Updating your beneficiaries is simple, usually requiring filling out paperwork or making changes online.

DISCLAIMER: Individual circumstances and state laws vary. Only undertake estate planning with the help and assistance of an attorney licensed in your state. If you need advice about designating your beneficiaries, talk to an attorney or estate planner to help ensure your final wishes are carried out.

New Title

Make Arrangements In Advance Online

Tue, 26 Sep 2023 20:20:38 GMT

You can preplan from the comfort of your home

Brain Fog – A Physical Response To Grief

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 16:02:09 GMT

Brain fog happens because your body interprets grief as trauma and begins to shut down to protect itself.

The loss of a loved one can have a multitude of impacts on our lives, as well as on our physical and emotional well-being. People often talk about their emotional experience of grief, but physical responses can also take their toll.

For many, the physical response is feeling tired, along with experiencing sleep or body function disruptions, but there are other ways that your body can react to the stress of grief. One of the more common symptoms is “brain fog.” Brain fog happens because your body interprets grief as trauma and begins to shut down to protect itself.

While you are grieving, your brain is now overloaded with thoughts of grief, sadness and loneliness, leaving little room for everyday tasks. Brain fog can affect your memory, concentration and cognition. But don’t worry: This is a natural part of grief.

The experience of brain fog varies from person to person. You may have trouble completing routine tasks, forget appointments or misplace items. Maybe, after driving somewhere, you realize that you can’t remember exactly how you got there. Typical everyday tasks that normally wouldn’t be challenging can seem overwhelming.

The best way to help start clearing brain fog is to acknowledge it. It is normal for your mind to drift in response to memories of the person who died. When you notice this happening, take a moment to stay with the feeling and acknowledge your grief. Afterward, you will be able to refocus your mind on the task at hand.

The good news is that brain fog is usually temporary, but there’s no set timeline for it to resolve. All aspects of grief vary from person to person. For most people, brain fog isn’t a long-term issue and will go away naturally. If your brain fog seems to be getting worse, or you are concerned about the onset of complicated grief, talk to your doctor.

Understanding that your brain isn’t working at full capacity while you are grieving, you may want to avoid making big decisions for a while. It is also important to take care of yourself physically as best you can. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself: This fog is normal and will, with time, become easier to manage.

What To Expect When Preplanning A Funeral

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 15:54:33 GMT

There are several components to making funeral arrangements.

When helping to make arrangements at the time of death, the funeral directors at the Buch Family of Funeral Homes sometimes have to explain to a family that even though Mom or Dad thought everything was taken care of, it really wasn’t.

Some people mistakenly believe that they have taken care of everything by stipulating in their will what they would like to be done for their funeral service. Unfortunately, no one reads the will until long after the funeral, when it’s too late. The main purpose of a will is to provide instructions for the handling of an individual's financial affairs, not funeral preplanning.

Others, who have purchased a cemetery plot or columbarium niche, believe that this is all that is required, neglecting to also make arrangements for their funeral service. Making arrangements with the cemetery is just one aspect of the preplanning process.

There are those who have even taken the step to talk with their family about their funeral wishes, but don’t write the details down. This can prove problematic and create unnecessary confusion later, as loved ones may disagree about what they each heard. The best way to be clear about your wishes and ensure that your immediate family knows what you want is by meeting with one of our funeral directors to put everything in writing.

Preplanning is not complicated. It usually takes about an hour of your time. One of our funeral directors will walk you through the process to help you make the preplanning decisions that reflect what you want. We’re happy to take the time to answer any of your questions and explore options.

So what should you expect when preplanning a funeral? There are several components to making funeral arrangements. To start, you can decide if you’d like a traditional funeral service or a more informal gathering, and select the most fitting funeral, cremation, and burial options for you.

You’ll have time to discuss and explore such options as your preferred venue, merchandise, music, published tribute and final resting place. We’ll gather your vital information, which will be needed later for death certificates and filing for Social Security or veterans’ burial benefits, along with life insurance claims.

When you preplan your funeral, we’ll also explain funding options and address any of your financial concerns. If you choose, you can also arrange to prefund your services. Prefunding arrangements can be made through insurance, a trust, local bank or affordable monthly payment plan. Remember, there is no obligation on your part to prefund your arrangements.

Once all your arrangements have been made, we will provide you with a complete record of what you’ve selected, including a listing all of the goods and services you have purchased and the price. You will receive a written preneed funeral contract explaining, in plain language, your rights and obligations. That way, you will have all the details that you need to share with your family, so that they also know what you’ve planned. The body content of your post goes here.

How to Help a Coworker Who is Experiencing Grief

Wed, 22 Feb 2023 20:12:42 GMT

Consoling a member of your family or close friends over the loss of a loved one can be difficult, but figuring out how to acknowledge that same kind of loss to a coworker or employee adds another layer of complexity. With family and friends whom you have a close relationship, you have the benefit of knowing that person and how you might help them manage their grief. You may not have that same level of familiarity with coworkers.

A first step for managers or supervisors of someone who has experienced a loss is to make sure that your employee is aware of how the company (and you) can support them during their time of grief. Make sure that they know about the company's bereavement policy and any human resources support that are in place. In addition, let them know that you are aware that grief can have an impact on their ability to think clearly and perform their job duties. Flexibility is key to helping them.

Everyone has struggled to manage the demands of work at one time or another. On average, U.S. employees receive four days of paid leave. Returning to work in such a short period of time can be challenging. Considering that the very real physical symptoms of grief, including ‘brain fog’ and loss of energy can decrease work productivity, coworkers can help by offering to assist them with some of their duties.

Coworkers can also support grieving people by acknowledging their loss in person, with a note, or email. Whatever method you chose, it’s important to acknowledge their loss in some way. Remember to keep it simple. Avoid cliches about ‘being in a better place’ or giving advice.

If you talk with them, don’t ask about details of the death, which can be upsetting. Simply listening is the best thing you can do. Don’t be tempted to share your stories of loss. Now is not the time to focus on your experience. It’s time to support someone else along their journey.

If you don’t know your coworker well, be observant and take your cues from them. Judging as best you can when they are open to talking or when they prefer privacy. Most importantly, give them the time they need to deal with their loss.

Grief doesn’t just magically disappear in few weeks or month. It ebbs and flows for a long time, sometimes even years. So, remember to periodically check back in with your coworker to see how they are managing their grief.

The Abbotts: Father And Daughter Funeral Directors

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 20:22:42 GMT

Aaron Abbott’s first experience with funeral homes was when his father worked part time at a funeral home in their community. Aaron and his brother would help with services and doing removals. Before long he realized that being a funeral director was something he wanted to pursue as a career.

After high school, Aaron got his bachelor’s degree from Penn State University and went on to graduate from the Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science. He joined the Buch Family of Funeral Homes in 2002. Over the last several decades, Aaron has benefitted from having Ted Beck as a mentor and now Aaron is passing that learning legacy along to his daughter who works alongside of him. Allissa earned her funeral directors license in 2019.

Growing up, Allissa was always aware of the sacrifices her father made to be a funeral director. “As kids, we always knew that when the phone rang, it meant that dad was going to work,” she said. “No matter what time of day or night. At one point, when my brother was little, he took to hiding the car keys whenever the phone rang because he didn’t want dad to leave.”

“We always took two cars wherever we went,” explained Aaron. “That way I could always leave if I got a call. Thankfully, we have several funeral directors to share the workload, so I was still able to coach and attend the kid’s events when they were growing up.”

Her friends at school wanted to know why her father always wore a business suit, not matter where he was. Allissa explained that he was an undertaker. Her answer confused the schoolkids even more because the only “undertaker” they knew about was a WWE professional wrestler.

Every year in November, the Buch Family of Funeral Homes offers a Holiday Grief Support program. When she was around fourteen, Allissa started helping out with the event, greeting people and interacting with the public. “I realized that being a funeral director was not all sad and weird stuff,” recalled Allissa. “I like interacting with people and I also get to use the science side of my brain. Every day is different. We’re always thinking ahead and planning for contingencies in case something doesn’t go as planned.”

“Allissa has always been very mature for her age,” said Aaron. “Her growing up around a funeral home really helped her get up to speed when she was studying to become a funeral director. I think the hardest part after she became a licensed director was when she first started meeting with families. She had the same problem I did when I started. We look very young. So, folks would wonder when the funeral director was going to show up.”

“I followed the same guidance that Ted gave me when I was starting out,” continued Aaron. “I let her know I had the confidence in her to let her handle it on her own, without looking over her shoulder. She’s smart and will do a good job to establish trust with the families we serve.”

Now, after twenty years, Aaron has become a shareholder and serves as Chief Executive Officer for the funeral homes. Just as Allissa is learning new skills, Aaron is gaining a better understanding of the business side of things. “We’ve got a good system in place,” said Aaron. “I have a good teacher in Ted and my goal is to pass what I’ve learned along to Allissa, so that the next generation at the Buch Family of Funeral Homes can continue to serve our community.”

Ted Beck Celebrates Forty Years Of Service

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 20:02:07 GMT

This year marks forty years that Ted Beck, of the Buch Family of Funeral Homes, has been a licensed funeral director. Ted is a seventh-generation funeral director and grew up living above the funeral home that his father ran.

“I have such vivid childhood memories of growing up in the funeral home,” said Ted. “The smell of flowers brings it all back for me. Even as kids we had a part to play and knew that we had to be quiet when there was a service going on downstairs. It was also our job to set up the chairs before each service and then take them down afterward,” he remembered.

“There were two ways that you always knew there was going to be a service that evening. One was the wreath on the funeral home front door and the other is that we had chicken livers on toast for dinner. I guess that was a quick, easy meal for my mother to get ready.”

“It was not a busy business. My dad did maybe 35 or 40 services a year and he did insurance and other things as well,” recalled Ted. “When I graduated from high school, I didn’t really see a future in funeral service, so I went to Kutztown State University and got my degree in education. After I graduated, I started out teaching social studies and geography at Twin Valley Middle School. Teaching was not personally rewarding for me and funeral service was always in the back of my mind.”

While in Bethlehem, Ted decided to go to Northampton Community College to study mortuary science. At the same time, he began working for a large funeral home in the area. “My family will tell you that I’m a helper. They tease me that I’m always helping strangers, but I care about people,” said Ted. “Helping people and having every day be different is what brings me joy, even during the long days.”

Between going to school and working, Ted was very busy. The family-owned funeral home in Bethlehem did almost 250 services a year. Living in an apartment above the funeral home, he was responsible for doing removals, embalming, helping with services and being the 24-hour answering service. Ted said the experience was invaluable because he had the opportunity to learn about all different religious and cultural funeral traditions. Two years after he earned his funeral directors license, Ted wanted to find a funeral home where he and his wife, Connie could realize their dream of owning a business.

“In 1984, Connie and I came to Manheim to meet with John Buch and his wife to discuss me coming to work for him,” explained Ted. “As soon as he greeted us, I knew this was the right place for me. I never thought I could be more invested in a community than the one I grew up in. But the people in this area are so genuine and care about family. I’ve formed great friendships and have such a bond with the community.”

“I’m very proud to be a part of the team that has served this community over the past 40 years. There’s a satisfaction knowing that what we do makes a difference,” explained Ted. “I’m glad to now be in a position to mentor Aaron the same way that John Buch helped me. I have complete confidence Aaron is going to continue our great legacy.”

How Traditions & Rituals Help Ease Our Grief

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 17:50:08 GMT

Traditions and rituals help us to express our deepest thoughts about life’s most significant events. Special ceremonies like graduations, weddings, and christenings include traditions and rituals that help us mark important life milestones. These same traditions help start the healing process, when a loved one dies.

Rituals provide an outlet for expressing our deepest emotions, when words are not enough. Rituals also bring people together in a shared experience. Funerals, visitations and memorials help us feel a solidarity with others who are sharing our grief and loss. They provide a sense of comfort in knowing that we are not alone in our grief.

Once the funeral is over, how can we incorporate the benefit of rituals into our healing journey? Here are a few suggestions of rituals that might be helpful:

Recall memories – Family and friends may choose to gather on special occasions to share memories and honor a loved one.

Honor their lives – If your loved one had a special place in their heart for something unique, then spend time volunteering or help support organizations that benefit the causes that mattered to them.

Visit the grave – Some people who grieve find comfort in visiting the grave of their loved one, leaving fresh flowers, or simply spending time reflecting on the loss.

Carry a remembrance item – Sometimes a small keepsake, like a watch, a piece of jewelry, or a small heirloom can serve as a reminder of a lost loved one.

Don’t limit yourself to these suggestions. Feel free to explore other ways of remembering your loved ones.

What Is Hospice Care And How Can It Help?

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 17:48:41 GMT

Hospice care is not something most people want to talk about, but it’s a topic that needs to be discussed to better understand the many benefits and also dispel any misconceptions.

Hospice care is a set of specialty care services that assist individuals who have a life-limiting or terminal illness, as well as their families. The care provided includes medical, emotional, spiritual and grief support. Often, when hospice is first suggested, the patient or the family is hesitant to accept it because they don’t fully understand what it entails. Usually, those who do receive it say they wish they had accepted the care sooner, because they had no idea how much help it could be.

Hospice care includes many things and can cover:

Medical care from registered nurses trained in pain control and symptom management.
Personal care needs such as feeding, bathing, shaving, etc.
Emotional support from social workers who can help manage emotional aspects of late-stage illness.
Spiritual care is offered by chaplains who are professional clergy.
Companionship from volunteers. They will come by to play cards, read to you, take a walk or just sit and talk over a cup of coffee with you.
Grief support from grief specialists who can offer one-on-one visits, phone calls and literature to family members for as long as 13 months.

Hospice does not have to be a brick-and-mortar location where you send people. This care is offered at a patient’s home, a facility or in the hospital. It can be tailored to the individual needs of a patient and their family.

One mistaken belief is that hospice care is only for cancer patients, but this is not true. Anyone, from infants to the elderly, who are suffering from a life-limiting and/or terminal illness can benefit. Most patients and families who begin hospice care as soon as possible find that it helps ease the burden significantly.

It’s also important to know hospice services, including medication and equipment that may be needed because of the patient’s diagnosis, are completely covered under the Medicare/Medicaid. Most private insurance carriers also offer a hospice benefit.

Those who are hesitant to discuss hospice care often fear that if they begin talking about it or decide to start, then that means they have given up or have no hope. It isn’t a matter of giving up, but rather providing the best possible life during the time the patient has left. Many people in hospice care enjoy a better quality of life.

If you or a loved one are facing a terminal illness diagnosis, speak to someone about how hospice care may be able to help.

Funeral Etiquette Tips for Livestream Services

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 17:45:32 GMT

Livestream funeral and memorial services are here to stay. As a society, we’ve found that livestreaming allows far away family and friends to participate virtually. Taking this time to remember and honor a loved one’s life, whether in person or virtually, is an important step in the healing process.

Most of us are somewhat familiar with the etiquette of attending services in-person. Here are a few tips to help when attending a livestream funeral service.

Arrive Early – Get your device set up and charged well ahead of time. Sign into the livestream early, so you can take care of any technical difficulties that may arise before the service starts.

Dress Appropriately – Even if you are attending services remotely, you should dress appropriately to honor and respect the family and the person who has died.

Find A Quiet Place – Set up in a quiet place, where you are less likely to be disturbed or have to deal with distractions during the livestream service. This will also help to limit kids or pets causing distractions for other online viewers.

Mute Yourself - To ensure that you aren’t a distraction, mute yourself for the service unless you are given the opportunity to speak. Depending on the type of service there may be the opportunity for virtual attendees to share their remembrances. If you are called on to speak, make sure that your space is quiet so that people can clearly hear your remarks.

Turn On Your Video – If you feel comfortable enabling the video function, be sure to do so. This will allow in-person and other virtual family and friends can see you and take comfort in your presence.

Turn Off Devices - You should also turn off devices (other than the one you are using to livestream). By doing so, you can cut down on the possibility of distractions or disruptions. Keep in mind that your focus should be on what’s most important – honoring a loved one’s life.

Be Thoughtful with Your Comments - Some livestream options allow you to write comments in a chat box. If you do so, be thoughtful about it. Keep in mind that everyone can see your comments and in some cases the services are recorded for later viewing. Focus your comments on supporting the grieving family or sharing stories about the person who has died.

Be Patient – Livestream technology can sometimes be problematic. If you are experiencing technical with the service, politely make a comment in the Chat box. The funeral home staff will do everything in their power to correct the issue. Don’t post repeated complaints.

Talking to Children & Teens About Grief

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 17:03:39 GMT

When a loved one dies, it can be difficult to know how to help kids cope with the loss, particularly as you work through your own grief. By being open and honest, encouraging communication, and sharing your own feelings, you and your children cope with painful times and begin your healing journey together.

When asked about her experience with children and grief, Kati Fetter, a funeral director with the Buch Family of Funeral Homes said, “From my experience, many children and teens, especially those who haven’t suffered the loss of a loved one, are inclined to initially mimic their parent’s ideas of grief and ideas about what happens after death. But it’s important to remember that everyone grieves and processes loss in their own way. Children need to be allowed the opportunity to explore what works for them.”

A child's ability to understand death varies according to his or her age.

Infants and Toddlers feel a loss through the absence of a loved one, interruption in their regular routine, and through the grief and stress they sense in their parents or other family members. Make sure to spend extra time holding and cuddling the child, and try to keep them on a regular schedule as much as possible.

Younger children might have trouble understanding the permanence of death or differentiating between fantasy and reality. They also might believe the death of a loved one is a form of punishment for something the child did. When you talk to young children about death, make sure to use concrete language, avoid euphemisms, and reassure the child that the death is not a consequence of something he or she did.

Older children are beginning to understand the permanence of death, and might associate it with old age or personify it in terms of frightening images or a cartoonish boogeyman. They often know more about how the body works, and have more specific questions. It's important to answer their questions to the best of your ability, and provide as much specific, factual information as possible. Try to keep them to regular routines, and give them opportunities for the constructive venting of feelings and grief.

Teenagers process grief more like adults, experiencing anger and sadness as they begin to cope. Don't feel disappointed if it seems that they may want to talk more to their friends than to parents, this is normal and can help them to share their feelings and heal. Because their grief is similar to that of an adult, a teenager may take longer to recover from a loss than a younger child. Questions may come up about mortality and vulnerability, and your role is to empathize with them, listen to their concerns, and remind them that their feelings are normal and things will get better with time.

Tips for Talking to Children about Death

Use concrete terms when talking about death. Don't shy away from the words "death" and "dead". While it might seem gentler to use phrases like "passed away" or "went to sleep", this can be confusing for a child and lead to difficulty understanding the finality of death.

If your child doesn't understand what death means, try explaining it in terms of the body, such as "Aunt Rachel's body stopped working".

Encourage questions, and answer them to the best of your ability.

Be honest when you don't know the answer. An honest, "I just don't know the answer to that one", can be more comforting than a made-up answer or an answer you don't believe.

Your child will probably be dealing with a lot of difficult emotions, some of which he or she may not have experience before. Give your child a safe space to express his or her emotions, and spend time talking openly about his or her feelings and thoughts.

Remember that recovery is an ongoing process. Young children often experience periods of normalcy which interrupt their intense grief, and the alternating periods might shift over the course of hours, days, or even years.

Listen to their fears and reassure them. Children can develop fears as the result of a loved one's death. Whether it's an irrational fear linked to the cause of death, a fear of losing you or another family member, or a fear that something they did caused the death to happen, spend time comforting your children and helping to assuage their fears.

If your family holds particular religious beliefs about what happens after you die, you can share them with your child as a source of comfort (but don't introduce it too soon, as it might be too abstract for kids under age 5). An alternate approach is to let them decide for themselves, by saying something like, "No one knows for sure. Some people think you go to heaven, while others believe people come back on earth as different creatures. What do you think?"

Don't hide your own grief. It's important for children to know that adults cry when they're very sad, too, and that their feelings of grief are normal and shared by others. Let them know that you're okay, and find comfort together by sharing your feelings and remembering the loved one who is gone.

If your child seems to be struggling especially hard with a loss, or if grief is seriously interfering with their day-to-day activities, routines, and outlook on life, don't be afraid to seek professional help or therapy when it's needed.

SEE MORE CHILD GRIEF RESOURCES

Benefits Of Making Arrangements In Advance

Tue, 21 Sep 2021 19:14:22 GMT

We’ve all been there. Driving on a crowded, unfamiliar highway with cars zipping by and you have to make a crucial decision about which direction to take. Everyone in the car is talking over each other, telling you to go this way or that. You can feel your anxiety building as you get closer to the decision point.

Which is the right choice? Pick the wrong one and you could end up getting hopelessly lost. Even if you make the right choice, the entire experience of having to make a crucial decision in a rushed, chaotic way can leave you upset, angry and flustered.

Helping families avoid having to make important decisions in a rushed, chaotic way is the reason that the Buch Family of Funeral Homes recommends making arrangements in advance.

“People make the mistake of thinking that their family knows what they want for their funeral services. But more often than not the family doesn’t know,” explained funeral director Kati Fetter. “Many times, when I am meeting with families about funeral services, they are asking each other if anyone knew what type of service the person wanted. Not knowing makes it much more difficult.”

There’s a lot that goes into planning a funeral, but making those arrangements beforehand gives you time to consider all of your options and make sure that you’re covering all of the necessary details.

“When people meet me and plan in advance, it allows them to make important decisions when they're not upset or emotional,” said Adam Kraut, Prearrangement Specialist. “It makes things so much easier, spending a few minutes to get everything in writing, so no one has to guess about what you wanted. I explain all their options and make sure all of their questions are answered.”

The entire discussion typically takes an hour or less. It's a free appointment. There is never any cost to talk with us or get answers to your questions. We can meet with you wherever you like – in your home, at the funeral home, by phone or via video conference.

“It’s been my experience that families that make arrangements in advance spend less money. And after they’ve made arrangements most people say ‘that wasn’t so bad, I don't know why I put it off for so long,’ said Kraut.

How To Help Your Child Process The Death Of A Pet

Tue, 21 Sep 2021 17:54:05 GMT

Anyone who has ever owned a pet can understand how much you come to love them. Pets have a way of making their way into our hearts. Most adults have experienced a loss in their life before, but for children, the loss of a pet may be the first death they experience. There are several ways you can help your children process their emotions and move toward healing when a pet dies.

One of the best things you can do for your child is treat their emotions with respect and validity. Assure them that it’s okay to feel sad, hurt, or angry. Let them know it’s normal to feel this way after loss. Your first inclination may be to push aside your own emotions so you can “be strong” for your child. But your child needs to know that you cared about the family pet, too. Share what you are feeling.

Bottling up feelings or stifling emotions is a form of avoidance. Not acknowledging emotions can lead to long-term consequences. Allow you child the freedom to feel what they feel and not be afraid of it.

Children are learning about their world and are naturally curious about new situations.

Some children are more inquisitive than others, but each child will have questions about the death of their pet. Don’t use euphemisms or half-truths. Children can handle the truth (often much better than adults can).

Answer as honestly as you can, making sure to tailor the information to their age and maturity. Here are a few common questions you may get:

Why did my pet die?

Is it my fault?

What happened to my pet’s body?

Where did they go?

Will they come back?

Grief doesn’t go away in a day, it sometimes sticks around for a while. Let your child know it’s okay to talk about their pet whenever they need to. Sharing stories and talking about our grief is both healthy and necessary.

Children are hands-on learners, which is why touching and play time are important to their early development. Because of the hands-on nature of children, you might consider using one of these activities to help them process the pain they are feeling.

Hold a memorial ceremony

Get a memorial marker and place it in a special place

Draw a picture of their pet

Write a story

Have the family share their favorite pet stories

Make a scrapbook or memory book

By helping your child deal with the death of a pet, you are giving them valuable life skills that will aid them as they grow into adulthood. After all, the loss of a pet, while difficult, is not the only hard situation they will face in life. By giving them the building blocks now, you can help them learn how to grieve in a healthy way.

Article excerpted from “5 Tips for Helping your Child Process the Death of a Pet”

Helping Older Adults Connect With Digital Devices

Tue, 21 Sep 2021 17:52:41 GMT

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If nothing else, the pandemic taught us how important it is to stay connected with other people. When face-to-face gatherings were curtailed many people turned to their digital devices to connect with others online. For those who grew up with computers and smart phones, connecting online has become second nature, but for many seniors these gadgets are downright scary.

A survey conducted by AARP found that older adults want to get online, but need assistance in getting started and are not sure about what resources are available to them. Fifty four percent of respondents said they needed a better understanding about the devices they had purchased. Nearly 37 percent admitted they weren’t confident about using new technologies.

Many times seniors will have tech-savvy younger relatives or friends who can help them figure out how to set their digital devices up and access the services and communication software that they need. But that’s not always the case.

Now national, regional and local organizations are providing assistance to older Americans who want to become adept at using their computers, tablets and smart phones. One nearby organization is Generations on Line. Based in Philadelphia, the organization specializes in teaching older adults about digital devices and navigating the Internet.

Before the pandemic, Generations on Line provided free in-person training sessions at senior centers, libraries and retirement centers. When COVID shut down those programs, Generations on Line shifted to online training. They also have resources like tutorials and a “family coaching kit” to help older adults with technology. Learn more at www.generationsonline.org .

Cyber-Seniors pairs older adults with high school or college students, who serve as their technology mentor. The services offered are free. Anyone interested in learning more can visit their website at www.cyberseniors.org . And if you’re a complete novice with your digital device, you can call Cyber-Seniors at 844-217-3057 and be coached over the phone until you’re ready to use the online training they have available.

Another stumbling block to getting seniors connected online is lack of internet access. A recent report found that nearly 22 million seniors don’t have access to high-speed Internet services, because these services are unaffordable or unavailable. To address this the U.S. government has created a $3.2 billion Emergency Broadband Benefit Program for low-income individuals. The program provides $50 monthly discounts on high-speed Internet services. To learn about applying for funding go to - https://www.fcc.gov/consumer-faq-emergency-broadband-benefit .

Older adults can take free virtual classes from Senior Planet. A schedule is available at seniorplanet.org/get-involved/online . You can also check with your local library, senior center or county office of aging for additional programs that are available.

Once seniors master their digital devices it can open up an entire online world for them. In addition to connecting with family, they can shop online, take enrichment or exercise classes, borrow a library book or have a telemedicine appointment. The online possibilities for enriching the lives of older Americans is endless.

Lititz Funeral Home Joins The Buch Funeral Family

Sun, 12 Sep 2021 19:55:36 GMT

Three Locations Now Serve the Lancaster Area

Theodore “Ted” Beck announced that the Richard H. Heisey Funeral Home on Broad Street in Lititz has joined the Buch Family of Funeral Homes. After 40 years of serving Lititz and the surrounding community, Dick and Marilyn Heisey will be passing ownership of the funeral home to Ted Beck and Aaron Abbott to continue their legacy.

The new Buch~Heisey Funeral Home & Cremation Services in Lititz will join the existing Buch Family of Funeral Home locations in Manheim and Mount Joy. “By adding the Lititz funeral home, we believe that we are giving families in this area a real choice,” explained Ted Beck. “We’re doing improvements to ensure that our facility, along with the services we offer, are second to none.”

The purchase is a reunification of a funeral service legacy founded by Thaddeus S. Beck in 1898. At the time, the Lititz funeral home and the Manheim location were both under the ownership of Thaddeus Beck.

Ted Beck, Supervisor at the Lititz funeral home, will serve families at both the Manheim and Lititz locations. Aaron Abbott has been promoted to Supervisor of the Manheim location and will also serve as a licensed director in Lititz. Anne Heisey Brubaker will continue to help families as Service Coordinator. Dick and Marilyn Heisey will help out when needed.

Buch Funeral Home Helps Mount Joy Library Expand American Sign Language Collection

Wed, 08 Sep 2021 17:11:28 GMT

Paul Gardner, Supervisor, Buch Funeral Home, Mount Joy;

Debra Rosser-Hogben, Director, Milanof-Schock Library

The Milanof-Schock Library in Mount Joy will soon offer expanded titles in American Sign Language (ASL) thanks to a contribution from Buch Funeral Home & Cremation Services. This is the fourth year in a row that Buch Funeral Home has made a donation to help the library expand their permanent collection. This year’s donation will enable the library to purchase additional American Sign Language books and videos for both children and adults.

Paul Gardner, Supervisor for the Mount Joy location, is proud of Buch’s commitment to the local community. “We know that our local library is an integral part of the Mount Joy community and are so pleased that we can provide additional resources to expand their collection,” said Gardner. “Buch Funeral Home has been a longtime supporter of the Milanof-Schock Library.”

Buch Funeral Home Helps Mount Joy Library Donation Expands Large Print Book Collection

Wed, 08 Sep 2021 17:08:58 GMT

Paul Gardner, Supervisor, Buch Funeral Home, Mount Joy;

Debra Rosser-Hogben, Director, Milanof-Schock Library

Thanks to a contribution from Buch Funeral Home the Milanof-Schock Library in Mount Joy will expand its selection of large print books. This is the fifth year in a row that Buch Funeral Home has made a donation to help the library expand their permanent lending collection.

This year’s donation has enabled the library to purchase large print fiction and non-fiction titles, as well as some biographies. Previously, the library had a limited number of large print books available for patrons.

Paul Gardner, Supervisor for the Mount Joy location, is proud of Buch’s commitment to the local community. “It is a privilege for Buch Funeral Home to be able to help the library - a resource that’s essential to our community,” said Gardner. “We’ve been a longtime supporter of the Milanof-Schock Library and we are pleased to be able to help in expanding their reading collection,” he said.

Paul Gardner to be President of Mount Joy Library Board

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 21:29:22 GMT

Paul Gardner, Supervisor at the Buch Funeral Home in Mount Joy, will be named the President of the Milanof-Schock Library board of directors. Paul is currently the Vice President of the board and will take over duties as the President starting in January 2016.

The Milanof-Schock Library opened in 1999 to serve the residents in the five municipalities comprising the Donegal School District (Mount Joy and Marietta Boroughs, and the townships of East Donegal, Mount Joy, and Rapho). The Library is now considered the region’s de facto community center as well by becoming the after-school haven for youth, offering life-long learning for residents, offering free internet access and many more services.

Since 2010 Buch Funeral Home has been making contributions to the Milanof-Schock Library, adding over $3,000 of books and audio materials to the library’s permanent lending collection.

Ted Beck To Serve As President Of Manheim Central Foundation For Education Enrichment (MCFEE)

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 21:16:24 GMT

Buch Funeral Home Welcomes New Funeral Director

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 21:12:45 GMT

Kati Rye Becomes A Licensed Funeral Director

Buch Funeral Home Adds New Funeral Director

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 21:09:20 GMT

Allissa Abbott Becomes A Licensed Funeral Director

Ted Beck Announces That Aaron Abbott Has Become A Shareholder In The Buch Family Of Funeral Homes

Mon, 30 Aug 2021 17:18:10 GMT

“We’re starting the New Year off right,” said Theodore “Ted” Beck, a seventh generation funeral director. “Having Aaron Abbott join me as a shareholder in the Buch Family of Funeral Homes is the best possible start for 2021.”

Aaron, who joined the funeral home in 2002, will serve as Chief Executive Officer and Supervisor for the Manheim location. As Chief Operating Officer, Ted will manage the day-to-day operations of the three funeral home locations. He will also continue in his role as Supervisor of the Lititz location.

“Working with Aaron over the past 18 years, it became apparent that we shared the same work ethic and commitment to caring for our community,” said Ted. “I have been blessed with mentors who helped guide me as I learned and then bestowed upon me the honor of being entrusted with the future of each of the three funeral homes that are now the Buch Family of Funeral Homes. So, I understand how important it is to have a well thought out succession plan in place.”

“You only get one chance to do it right,” explained Ted. “I want to make sure that everything is perfect each and every time for the families that we serve. It was important that the succession plan for the Buch Family of Funeral Homes provided for continuity of the excellence that we have provided since 1898. I’m thrilled to have Aaron as my business partner.”

“It’s an honor being entrusted with the responsibility of continuing the Buch tradition of faithfully serving families,” said Aaron Abbott. “Ted has been a mentor and role model for me. I look forward to working side-by-side with him to continue to grow the Buch Family of Funeral Homes.”

Buch has three locations in the Lancaster county area including Buch Funeral Home in Manheim and Mount Joy, as well as the Buch Funeral Home & Cremation Services in Lititz. The Buch Family of Funeral Homes offers services including traditional and contemporary funerals, cremation and memorial services.

Financial Assistance For COVID-19 Related Funeral Expenses

Wed, 28 Apr 2021 19:18:39 GMT

Under the Coronavirus Response and Relief Supplemental Appropriations Act of 2021 and the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021, FEMA is providing financial assistance for COVID-19 related funeral expenses incurred after January 20, 2020.

On June 29, 2021, FEMA announced changes to the COVID-19 funeral assistance program related to cause of death listed. For deaths that occurred between January 20 and May 16, 2020, if the death certificate does not attribute the death to COVID-19, additional paperwork can be submitted to verify the cause. This change will eliminate the need to amend the death certificate. The policy change will allow applicants to submit a statement or letter from the death certificate’s certifying official, medical examiner, or coroner that attributes the death to COVID-19.

To Apply For COVID-19 Funeral Assistance Funds Call

844-684-6333 | TTY: 800-462-7585

Hours of Operation: Monday - Friday

9:00 am to 9:00 pm Eastern Time

Who is Eligible?

To be eligible for funeral assistance, you must meet these conditions:

The death must have occurred in the United States, including the U.S. territories, and the District of Columbia.
The death certificate must indicate the death was attributed to COVID-19*.
An applicant may apply for multiple deceased individuals.
The applicant must be a U.S. citizen, non-citizen national, or qualified alien who incurred funeral expenses after January 20, 2020.
There is no requirement for the deceased person to have been a U.S. citizen, non-citizen national, or qualified alien.

* If the death certificate was issued from Jan. 20 to May 16, 2020 it must either attribute the death directly or indirectly to COVID-19 or be accompanied by a signed statement from the original certifier of the death certificate or the local medical examiner or coroner from the jurisdiction in which the death occurred listing COVID-19 as a cause or contributing cause of death. This signed statement must provide an additional explanation, or causal pathway, linking the cause of death listed on the death certificate to COVID-19.

If the death certificate was issued May 17, 2020 or later, the death certificate must attribute the death directly or indirectly to COVID-19.

If multiple individuals contributed toward funeral expenses, they should apply under a single application as applicant and co-applicant. FEMA will also consider documentation from other individuals not listed as the applicant and co-applicant who may have incurred funeral expenses as part of the registration for the deceased individual.

Pre-paid funerals are not eligible for COVID-19 Funeral Assistance.
Any source of payment designated specifically to pay for a funeral prior to death is considered a duplication and is not eligible for reimbursement. COVID-19 Funeral Assistance may not duplicate burial or funeral insurance proceeds, pre-paid funeral contracts, pre-paid trusts for funeral expenses, irrevocable trusts for Medicaid or any other sources specifically designated for funeral expenses.

Can a Funeral Home Apply on Behalf of the Family?

Unfortunately, funeral homes are not allowed to apply on behalf of a family. The person applying must be an individual, not a business, who incurred the funeral expenses.

Although Buch Funeral Home can not apply for funds on your behalf, we can provide you with any documents or information that you need in order to submit your application. We have compiled a helpful checklist of information and documents that you will need to complete your application.

Download the FEMA Pre-Call Checklist

What Funeral Expenses are Covered?

COVID-19 Funeral Assistance will assist with expenses for funeral services and interment or cremation. Any receipts received for expenses that are not related to funeral services will not be eligible expenses. View the full list of covered expenses on the FEMA website.

How Much Is Available and How Are Funds Received?

The funeral assistance is limited to a maximum financial amount of $9,000 per funeral and a maximum of $35,500 per application. If you are eligible for funeral assistance you will receive a check by mail, or funds by direct deposit, depending on which option you choose when you apply for assistance.

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Grieving Alone and Together: Responding to the Loss of Your Loved One during the COVID-19 Pandemic

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 19:24:30 GMT

Someone you love has died. The death of a loved one is always difficult, but it is likely that the COVID-19 pandemic has made the circumstances of the death, as well as your family’s grief, especially challenging.

Grief following a loved one’s death can be complicated during this public health crisis because we are all experiencing non-death losses at the same time. Some may be concrete and easy to identify, such as financial or employment insecurity and lack of social interaction. Other losses might be harder to recognize, like no longer having the comfort of our normal routines or freedom of movement in public spaces. This booklet will help you deal with your loss.

The information in this booklet will help you better understand your unique grief and the care you’ll need for yourself and your family (including children) in the months to come. Click in the block below to view the booklet online.

Filing a Tax Return For Deceased Relatives

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 19:28:36 GMT

There are many questions that come to mind after the death of a loved one. There are immediate matters, like “what type of funeral?” or “what should we do with their belongings?” After the initial period, other questions arise, about paying outstanding bills and managing the estate. One question that most people don’t think about until the beginning of a new year is “should I file their taxes and how is that done?”

In most cases, when it comes to individual income taxes, the final tax return is prepared and filed in much the same way that it was when the person was alive. It is the executor’s job to file the deceased person’s state and federal returns. Often, the executor is the surviving spouse.

The first step is to gather all the necessary forms and information for the decedent. This includes W-2s, 1099s, and any interest statements. If you’re unsure if you have received all of the necessary tax documents, you can submit a request to the IRS to obtain all tax forms for the decedent. The IRS website - www.irs.gov – has many helpful tips and instructions. Visit the IRS website to find out what documents, including death certificate, you need to provide in order for the IRS to provide you with the information that you need.

Once you have gathered all the forms and tax information, you will need to decide if you are filing a joint return. If the return is a joint tax return, then the surviving spouse shares the responsibility for filing. The return should be signed with a note that reads “filing as surviving spouse” in the space for the decedent’s signature. Keep in mind that if the executor is not the surviving spouse then they must also sign the return in addition to the spouse.

Any income made between the start of the year and the person’s date of death should be reported on the final return. The income information will need to be listed on Form 1040 in addition to exemptions and deductions. If there was income made after the date of death then that is considered the estate’s income and will need a separate tax return for the estate if it is over $600.

Once you have filled out all the required information, write the word “deceased” across the top of Form 1040. Include the decedent’s name and the date of death. You will also write “deceased” or “filing as surviving spouse” in the place of the person’s signature at the bottom of the form. If you have questions or concerns, visit a tax accountant or the IRS website.

Obituaries That Are As Unique As Your Loved Ones

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 19:27:28 GMT

We’ve all read obituaries that check off the boxes for reporting the basic information about someone who has died. Where they were born, their schooling and career notes, details about their hobbies and community groups and a list of survivors.

This standardized format serves a very important purpose, since writing an obituary after a loved one has passed can be challenging. It’s just one more thing that has to be taken care of in a time of grief.

In some cases, the family decides to personalize the obituary more, to capture the unique character of their loved one. A tribute, written by those who know them best, can make readers laugh, cry and nod in affirmation.

We recently served the family of William K. “Bill” Trupe, whose obituary painted a picture of a one-of-a-kind guy. Bill’s family was kind enough to allow us to share his unique obituary. It started by stating that Bill “finally kicked the bucket after 76 years of smoking and making inappropriate jokes.” The obituary went on to say, “He died while sky diving naked over the Rockies without a parachute. At least, that's how he would have told the story.”

Bill’s obituary went on to describe that, “He loved his family, traveling, dark chocolate, cigarettes, people watching, Ford Mustangs, "Ancient Aliens," Miller Lite, and a good conspiracy theory - in no particular order.”

The family’s funny and touching remembrance even had an impact on people who had never met him. One comment on the website obituary listing read, “I did not know Bill Trupe. Having just read this wonderful obituary, I sure wish I had! What indelible memories he has given those who knew him. That is a legacy.”

At the Buch Family of Funeral Homes, we strive to help families share their memories of a lifetime about their loved ones.

Tips For Crafting A Beautiful Eulogy

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 19:25:53 GMT

Giving a eulogy is essentially telling your loved one’s story. The eulogy allows everyone to look back, remember, grieve, and honor your loved one’s unique personality. Oftentimes, mourners only know one or two sides of a person’s life. At the funeral or memorial service, they get a broader picture.

Nationally respected grief counselor and author, Dr. Wolfelt, puts it this way: “For mourners, telling the story is central to healing. In the context of the funeral ceremony, the eulogy is the grand, public telling of the story that unites” everyone who has come together to mourn.

This is a time to talk about what your loved one left behind and what you will remember about them for the rest of your life. It’s a time to discuss what they imparted and how they left a mark on the world. This could mean sharing family stories, what they were passionate about, causes that were close to their heart, how they loved others, and how they made people laugh.

The eulogy is an important part of the journey through grief because it helps meet what Dr. Alan Wolfelt calls the six needs of mourning: 1.) acknowledge the reality of the death, 2.) embrace the pain of the loss, 3.) remember the person who died, 4.) develop a new self-identity, 5.) search for meaning, and 6.) receive ongoing support from others.

When preparing a eulogy, you can help those who are attending the funeral by addressing each of these needs.

Eulogies help us acknowledge the reality of loss

During the eulogy, you will be forced to use the past tense to tell the story of the life lived. Speaking in past tense helps reinforce the reality that a death has occurred and our loved one really is gone.

Eulogies help us move toward the pain of the loss

For a brief moment in time, the funeral and the eulogy gives every mourner the chance to reflect on and experience the pain of the loss together.

Eulogies give us the opportunity to recall and share cherished memories

As we come together as a group to mourn, we all bring different memories, different perspectives. That’s why a eulogy not only helps us remember the person who has died – it also reveals facets of that person we may not have known.

Eulogies help us develop a new self-identity

As we hear about another person’s life, we also reflect on our own. What can we learn from this person’s life? Did they change the world for the better? What can I do to be more like them? We emerge from the story of a life inspired, hopeful, and transformed.

Eulogies provide us with an opportunity to search for meaning

When faced with the reality of death, we often ask ourselves questions and search for meaning. The eulogy may not be able to help answer these big universal questions, but it helps us explore our feelings about the loss. Through the laughter, the tears, memories, and stories, we see just how meaningful one life can be.

Eulogies help us receive support from others

The eulogy provides everyone with a common experience that brings them together and creates connection. We tell the love story, not just once at the funeral, but over and over, at every gathering, every holiday, every birthday and anniversary. Embrace the eulogy and make it a beautiful opportunity to celebrate your loved one’s life.

Excerpted from an article on www.funeralbasics.org

7 Ways To Create New Traditions After Loss

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 20:41:07 GMT

Family traditions and rituals are sacred events. Whether family reunions, religious gatherings, the holidays or family-famous treats, they are all important. These traditions aren’t something you do every day or that are programmed in your mind as an automatic reaction. You choose to do them because they were created with love and meaning to bind your family together. It is the sentiment behind them that make traditions so important.

So what happens when you lose an integral part of that tradition? After losing a loved one you may need to modify or skip those traditions completely. It is evident when the tradition comes around that things are not going to be the same. You may be tempted to try to keep things exactly as they were before to maintain the sense of safety and security you felt before losing your loved one. You may feel like if you change or skip the tradition, you are just as much abandoning that time in your life when your loved one was still alive. Either reaction is fine – the most important thing to do is acknowledge things are going to be different.

Here are just a few suggestions on how to remain positive, keep those traditions alive or start new traditions:

1. Start with small rituals.

Tradition is something that binds families together and makes them feel safe and comfortable. Changing those traditions can be incredibly scary, especially after the passing of a loved one. You may be afraid that change means you are letting go or forgetting about the traditions your loved one held so dearly or was a big part of. But upholding major family traditions can be difficult, especially after a recent loss. If that’s the case, don’t overlook the value of your family’s small rituals. Those weekly phone calls to mom while you’re away at college or those weekly dinners at Grandma’s house are just as important as the big holiday family get-togethers.

By focusing on those small connections with your family, you will be better equipped to handle larger scale events, such as the first holiday season after the losing a loved one. So, start with something small. Take a break from your schedule to sit down and have coffee with Dad, see a movie with your sister or even pick up the phone and tell Mom about your week. It’s likely they are experiencing grief as well, and processing it together can be a helpful step in the healing process. Those small rituals may not seem like much, but they are the start of a stronger family bond.

2. Accept that change is perfectly okay.

If you decide to make changes to your family traditions, keep in mind that it is okay. Change is a natural part of life - family traditions change all the time. I guarantee that some, if not all, of your family traditions have been tweaked or changed in some aspect over the years for some reason or another – your sister Jill moved across the country or Grandpa Jack is now in a retirement home. Every tradition adapts to the changing dynamics in a family and your family adapts in response. While the adjustment to a family member passing may require a bigger transition, it is important to be open to the change and accept it for what it is – a new opportunity to create stronger family bonds and traditions.

3. Think of change as an opportunity.

It can be easy to view change in a negative light, knowing tradition won’t be the same without your loved one involved. But, instead of going into holidays, family reunions or celebrations with a cloud over your head, think of them as opportunities to remember your loved one and celebrate his life with the people who knew him best. It will be difficult and unfamiliar at first, but it is also a chance to remind the family why you are really here, what brings the family together. If they had a favorite holiday, consider holding a memorial service during your celebration.

4. Keep in mind the meaning behind your traditions.

In most situations, a family tradition is done to bond the family in a safe and comfortable environment. But sometimes, traditions are done just for the sake of tradition. For example, Grandma Betty may have started the annual door-to-door Christmas carols that the whole family partakes in, but now, Grandma Betty is gone. The whole family still carries on the tradition, but you dread going door-to-door every year because you always get stuck standing next to Uncle Dave who is incredibly tone deaf. Say you skip out on this year’s caroling because you want to avoid the humiliation and think you have better things to do. You stay home and hear from Cousin Sarah that Uncle Dave tried to hit the high note in Joy to the World. When all of the dogs in the neighborhood started barking, the family couldn’t finish the song because they were laughing so hard.

Sometimes, those family traditions that may not be your favorite do a lot more than simply forcing you to do things as a family. They help you create lasting memories with your loved ones. When you consider changes following the death of a loved one, keep that goal in mind. You might not feel up to caroling this year, but you can still find other ways to connect with your family.

5. Remember that traditions don’t have to be perfect.

It is understandable that after your family suffers a loss of a loved one, you want everything to be perfect, no glitches at the next family reunion or Thanksgiving. You want to prove to yourself and to your family that you can still go on and function despite the loss you have suffered. But keep in mind that your family event won’t feel perfect without your loved one – and that’s okay. Think back to your family events. Which one was more memorable: the time that the turkey was perfectly carved and everyone sat around in their Sunday best, or the time that you had to order Chinese because Dad tried to deep fry the turkey and it took off like a rocket?

It is those perfectly imperfect events that are the most memorable. Building those memories and establishing those bonds will create a stronger and more secure environment to deal with loss and grief.

6. Don’t ignore the absence.

Sometimes, when a loss occurs it feels easier to pretend like nothing’s changed. But what seems like a good coping mechanism can easily turn into the big elephant in the middle of Christmas dinner. There are a couple of different ways you can combat this. For example, if you are at a family reunion shortly after someone in the family dies, consider setting a place for them, incorporating their favorite dish or flower or releasing balloons in their memory.

It is healthy to acknowledge the passing of a loved one and could be easier when in the company of family. It can bring up old memories of your loved one that can be talked about as part of the healing process. Sharing memories in meaningful ways may even turn into a new tradition.

7. Plan ahead and be prepared.

As tough as it may be, it is important that you sit down and have a conversation with the family about how traditions may change after a loved one’s passing. By planning for the changes, you can help create realistic expectations which can have a positive impact on the rest of the family. They are more likely to have a more rational response if they have had time to prepare and react to the changes. You won’t be surprised when Grandma Betty’s potato salad won’t be making an appearance at the next family picnic because you’ve talked about it in advance. Maybe this year you decide to have everyone bring their favorite potato salad recipe and hold a taste-test to decide who will be responsible for making it for future gatherings.

While this is a relatively small example, the same approach can be applied to more significant changes to tradition.

Secondary Losses After Losing A Loved One

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 20:38:15 GMT

Coping with the loss of a loved one is a difficult experience. This can be compounded the secondary loss of shared activities and life contributions made by those who have died. Often times secondary loses are overlooked but still cause an immense impact on someone who is grieving. These secondary losses have a ripple effect on loved ones.

Secondary losses are encountered over time, rather than all at once. For those who are grieving, these losses began to unfold as you continue on with your everyday life. They can appear in many different forms and affect each person differently.

After the death of a loved one, it can be hard to carry on with your daily life. It may seem like every little thing you encounter reminds you of them. It can be hard to vision new memories without that person there. For instance, you may have always attended your favorite baseball team’s opening day or shared an annual vacation to the beach. Or even weekly events such as going dancing or eating at a favorite restaurant. This loss can also affect you in other ways such as the loss of income leading to a negative impact to your financial security. In addition, if they were the one to manage the finances, you could be clueless on when and what bills need to be paid. Depending on the role this person played, you may have to restructure your life to pick up the tasks they use to perform. When simple things needed fixed around the house they were always there to manage the home repairs, but now you will need to hire a professional. These are common things you grow accustom to and don’t affect you till a major piece is removed from the scenario.

There are several heathy ways to cope with secondary losses. One way is to create a special memento to preserve the memory of shared experiences/rituals. This could be by creating a scrapbook that showcases all the precious memories shared with a loved one. You could also find new ways to enjoy your shared interests such as picking up a dance class. As for your financial security, don’t hesitate to reach out to family and friends. You can also seek assistance from professionals for guidance in your financial matters. Additionally, you will need to get help with taking over managing new tasks formerly done by your loved one. This could mean rearranging your daily schedule to include new tasks or hiring a handy man. Family and friends will be your biggest support system and will help to guide you through managing secondary losses.

It is also very important to take care of yourself. Each person grieves differently and there are many resources available to help. With the support of trusted family, friends and grief professionals, everyone can find a healthy grieving method to fit their needs.

Different Types Of Grief

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 20:37:28 GMT

Everyone’s experience with the loss of a loved one is different. Most people expect to experience a period of grieving, but what may come as a surprise is how that grief is expressed. There are more than a dozen different types of grief that you may experience.

At different times as you move through the grief process, you may experience several of these different types of grief. Keep in mind that some types are very specific to circumstances surrounding the death of your loved one.

To help you better understand what you, a family member or friend is experiencing, here are short definitions for common types of grief.

Anticipatory Grief

This type of grief often occurs before an impending loss. Family and friends of someone suffering from a debilitating condition, in declining health or is in hospice care are examples of situations that may trigger anticipatory grief.

Abbreviated Grief

A short-lived grieving period, due to the fact that the attachment to the deceased person wasn’t as great; the role of the deceased is quickly filled by someone or something else; or there was anticipatory grief, prior to the loss.

Absent Grief

Occurs when there are no outward signs of grief and the person seemingly moves on with life, as if nothing has happened. This can occur when someone is in shock or denial. Behavioral changes, such as an increase in drinking, can be common in this situation.

Chronic or Prolonged Grief

Grieving that lasts for an extended period of time may be chronic grief. You may notice that there is no significant reduction in the emotional distress, regardless of the amount of time that has passed. The grief feels as fresh as when the loss first happened.

Collective Grief

If the grief is felt by a community, society village, or nation because of war, natural disasters, terrorist attacks or the death of a public figure.

Delayed Grief

Occurs with people who either consciously or unconsciously avoiding the reality of the loss they have experienced. Some may experience this type of grief if they initially are involved with all the immediate tasks that need to be taken care of or they are supporting others with the loss. The grief tends to hit them at a later date, sometimes brought on unexpectedly.

Disenfranchised Grief

This type of grief happens when society or the community does not acknowledge or recognize the loss. The death may be stigmatized (suicide), considered insignificant, or the relationship is not acknowledged by society.

Exaggerated Grief

Those who experience overwhelming and intensified “normal” grief reactions that may worsen over time. These reactions may include nightmares, drug abuse, thoughts of suicide, abnormal fears, and the development of psychiatric disorders.

“Normal” Grief

There is no “normal” grief as everyone experiences grief for a different period of time and at varying degrees of intensity. For lack of a better description, normal just means there is a movement towards acceptance of the loss and a gradual lessening of symptoms.

Traumatic Grief

Grief that is combined with a distressing event is considered traumatic grief. This occurs as a result of a loved one dying in a frightening, unexpected, or traumatic way.

Regardless of the type of grief you are experiencing, it is important to seek out the help of family and friends, support organizations or professionals.

What is a Green Burial?

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 20:35:28 GMT

More people today are exploring green burial options, a more environmentally friendly process for funerals. Some people prefer not to use embalming fluids, which can be harmful to the environment, if not handled properly. Also, caskets are traditionally placed within a grave liner or concrete vault to slow the decomposition process.

Like many other industries, funeral homes can now fulfill growing requests to be environmentally friendly. Funeral offerings can be eco-friendly in a process called green (or natural) burial. Before a green burial, a body is not embalmed using chemicals, but is preserved with refrigeration instead. When it is time for the burial, the body is then wrapped in a biodegradable wrap, or shroud, or placed inside a casket constructed of biodegradable materials.

If you are interested in a green burial, you will need to work with your funeral director to find a cemetery that accepts natural burials. As the body and other materials decompose, the gravesite will sink and need to be refilled. Because of this extra labor, most cemeteries require vaults or grave liners. There are, however, some graveyards in the local area who do not require vaults, like the Mellinger Mennonite Cemetery in Lancaster.

If a green burial is something you desire as your final disposition, please talk with any of our experienced funeral directors at Buch Funeral Home. They will guide you through the process of planning for a green burial and answer any questions along the way.

Learn more by visit the Green Burial Council website.

Starting The Discussion About Preplanning

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 20:34:23 GMT

Taking The First Step With Recording Personal Information

Having the discussion about the type of funeral services that you or your loved ones would like is not an easy discussion to have. Most people shy away from even thinking about the topic of death, let alone actually discussing it.

One tool that can help get a conversation started and ease into this discussion is preparing a personal information list. Sometimes referred to as an In Case of Emergency or ICE document, this compendium of personal details will help organize important documents and information in one place. Having an ICE document provides emergency contact information and makes it easy for family members to manage your affairs if you are not able to.

An ICE document can be simple (a single page) or as detailed (a folder or booklet) as you would like. Recording this important information will provide your family a helpful guide in case of emergency and can often open the window to a larger discussion about what your family would want for a funeral service and memorial.

Personal Information To Include

Each ICE document will be a little different, but here’s a general list of information that you should consider including: personal details such as family member contacts, social security numbers, military service; healthcare provider contacts; medical and life insurance policies; banking and investment accounts; logins, passwords for online accounts and subscription services. To help you get started, the Buch Family of Funeral Homes has created an ICE document template .

You can also add a category for Funeral Arrangements which would include details about final wishes for your arrangements, such as cremation/burial, open/closed casket, type of memorial service, etc. Once this book is created, it is a good idea to update it at least once a year, since many things items change frequently. Once your book is created, make sure to let a family member know where this book can be found if it is needed.

6 Things You Should Never Say to a Grieving Person

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 20:09:40 GMT

Words are powerful. They have the power to hurt or heal.

But sometimes we say things that we think offer comfort, when in reality, they hurt the people we love. We have a responsibility to guard our words, especially when someone is emotionally vulnerable, after the death of a loved one.

Consider avoiding these six common phrases when talking with someone who has lost someone close to them.

“I know how you feel.”

It’s true that you may have suffered a similar loss, but you have not suffered this particular loss. This comment assumes that you know the complex emotions of the bereaved and that you have felt each one exactly as they do. Every loss is one that has never been experienced before. Every person feels, processes, and heals in a different way.

Instead, you might say, “I know every loss is different in its own way, but something that helped me when I lost my mom was (insert helpful suggestion here),” or just simply and sincerely ask, “How are you doing?”

“You’re so strong.”

You may intend this to be received as a compliment, but what you’re communicating is, “I expect you to be strong enough to keep your emotions in check through all of this.” A comment about how strong they are takes away their option to express any vulnerability or genuine emotions to you.

It may invite a more honest response, and you should be ready with your emotional support, but instead, consider saying, “It’s okay to cry.”

“Sometimes we just don’t understand the will of God.” Or, “God must have needed another angel in heaven.”

These phrases and many similar ones are often used in Christian religious circles, and whether by intention or not, they essentially blame God for the death of a loved one. While it is true that we may not fully understand the will of God, these platitudes are not helpful.

It is appropriate to pray for others and seek comfort from God after loss, but not blame him for the loss. Instead, consider saying “I’ve been thinking about you so much” or “You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers.”

“She’s/he’s in a better place.”

When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you don’t want them to be in a “better place.” You want them to be here, now, with you. In time, it may be a comfort to think of a loved one in heaven. But in the midst of the deep sorrow of NOW, it’s difficult to find comfort or healing in the phrase. Simply be there, and consider asking them questions about the loved one they’ve lost.

“If there’s anything I can do for you, just call me.”

Take note: the grieving person is not going to call you. They aren’t going to want to inconvenience you, even though your offer may be entirely sincere. Instead, take the initiative, and do something intentional. Tell them you are going to pick them up for lunch the following week. Ask them what day you can swing by to drop off dinners for the week. Or, call them every week or so just to check in. As you are intentional, they will feel your love and support.

“It’s been a while since she/he died. Isn’t it time to move on?”

Grief has no expiration date. Allow your loved one the time they need to grieve and put no expectations on them. You can lovingly suggest a grief counselor, ask about the person they lost, but don’t push them. Don’t try to fix their pain. Loving them through their grief will help them along the path to healing much more smoothly than your impatience.

Article excerpt from Funeral Basics - www.funeralbasics.org

Looking For A Good Book To Read?

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 19:44:32 GMT

Paul Gardner, Supervisor from Buch Funeral Home, recently made the latest donation to the Milanof-Schock Library in Mount Joy. Buch Funeral Home has been a long-standing supporter of the library, underwriting community presentations and other programs.

For the last several years, Buch Funeral Home has sponsored the monthly Book Pages publication, which provides library patrons with suggestions and descriptions of new books to read. Barbara Basile, Executive Director of the library says that the Book Pages publication introduces patrons to all types of books and gives a description to help people decide if they would like to borrow the book.

The Milanof-Schock Library in Mount Joy has officially reopened, so be sure to stop by and pick up your copy of Book Pages. If you’re not able to stop by in person, you can also browse the library’s offerings online. All you need is your library card number to get started. You can read books on the Libby app with your tablet device or computer. For more information, go to www.mslibrary.org or www.lancasterlibraries.overdrive.com

Online Grief Support Options

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 19:43:27 GMT

The Pathways Center for Grief & Loss offers grief support and counseling for those who have lost a loved one. In order to protect the health and safety of families, staff and volunteers during the Coronavirus pandemic, they will be offering support groups via Zoom.

Many people grieving find it helpful to hear others’ experiences with a loss after death. It is reassuring to realize what you are going through is shared by others. Pathway’s support groups focus on grief education and support including:

Coping with the Loss of a Spouse or Companion
Coping with the Loss of a Parent or Sibling
Coping with the Loss of a Loved One Due to Coronavirus

Contact the Pathways Center to request the Zoom log-in address or phone number. Call (717) 391-2413 or (800) 924-7610 with questions or if you would like more information.

Online Grief Video Library

Many grieving people find evenings and weekends to be particularly difficult times to cope after a loss. The Pathways Center for Grief & Loss also has an online line library of videos to help you cope with loss. To explore the online library of educational videos go to: www.hospiceandcommunitycare.org/grief-and-loss/online-grief-education/

Pandemic Has Altered Funeral Traditions

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 19:41:51 GMT

When we rang in the 2020 New Year, few could have imagined the COVID pandemic world we are now living in.

As a licensed funeral home, we were probably better prepared than most other small businesses to keep our staff and the families we serve safe. As funeral directors, we receive rigorous training on safety protocols to prevent the spread of disease. Even before the pandemic, the funeral home was required to maintain stringent cleaning and sterilization procedures.

In addition to working within gathering restrictions, our biggest challenge has finding suppliers for personal protection equipment (PPE). To guard against our staff being exposed to the virus, we need to use the very same masks, gloves and gowns as hospitals. Severe shortages at the outset of the pandemic kept us scrambling to find these essential items.

Our experience in helping families through the worst days of their lives gave us the tools we needed to continue to manage the ever changing situation and find ways to serve families during this unprecedented time.

At the outset of the pandemic, health and safety guidelines for public gatherings were limited to 10 people, including our staff. These restrictions were very difficult for families to deal with. For many, the number in their immediate family exceeded the limit, which meant leaving someone out of life’s most important passages.

Rather than limit the number of people in attendance, some families opted to hold services at a later date. In some ways, this makes the grief process more difficult. At the time of the death, families must go through dealing with a loss by themselves. It’s disappointing that there is no shared, public recognition of their loved one. Friends and family don’t have the opportunity to view the person for one last time.

One of the most difficult and heart-breaking consequences of the pandemic is the loss of human touch and gathering together to celebrate a life. Families are faced with suffering a loss without the benefit of healing hugs, sharing of favorite stories or songs of praise. We’re seeing that families now have a greater appreciation for the benefits of a funeral service and how these time-honored traditions can help them deal with their grief.

Over the past six months, the staff at the Buch Family of Funeral Homes has adapted and met each new challenge. Working with each family, we find ways to meet their unique needs, while still observing health and safety guidelines.

As with every difficult situation that life hands us, there have been positive aspects. We’ve been able to provide live video streaming of services, which allows viewing by those who are unable to attend in person. The recent renovations at our Manheim funeral home included a new audio / video system that enables us to provide enhanced service options. More importantly, as the pandemic forced everyone to slow their lives down, we have all developed a greater appreciation for what’s really important in life.

We have also witnessed that friends and family, of those who have passed, are discovering (and rediscovering) ways to reach out to comfort and show support to those who are grieving. People are posting tributes for obituaries listed our website; having trees planted in the person’s honor; commenting during the Facebook Live viewing; sending notes with their favorite memories; or calling to check in. These ways of showing you care are just as important as attending the funeral service.

Wondering What to do With Cremated Remains You Have at Home?

Thu, 06 Aug 2020 20:11:59 GMT

After a loved one is cremated, about 70% of families opt to take the urn home with them after the funeral services. There are a number of reasons that families choose to take cremated remains home. Some are still working through their grief and want to hold onto their loved one a bit longer, others haven’t given thought to the final disposition of the ashes, or they have been left instructions about scattering or are simply uncertain what to do.

If you are considering taking home the remains of a loved one, no matter the reason, it is important to realize that putting the ashes on the mantel or shelf is only a temporary solution. Eventually, when you pass, a final resting place will have to be found for your loved one. The situation can become more complicated if you’re storing the cremains of multiple family members.

It is important that you plan for this change, if not now, then by recording what’s to happen with your loved one’s final disposition in your own will. It’s better to make final disposition arrangements now, rather than burdening your family with figuring out what to do with the ashes of others. Fortunately, there are many options for the final disposition of ashes.

Columbarium or Mausoleum

Cremated remains can be placed in columbarium or mausoleum. These are permanent structures built in a graveyard or church. The terms columbarium and mausoleum are often used interchangeably, but typically a columbarium is built specifically for ashes, whereas a mausoleum can accommodate caskets as well as urns.

Scattering

Ashes can be scattered on land, water or air. Many loved ones request that they be scattered in a favorite location or place of significance to them. Before scattering ashes you should check with local and state laws to determine if it is permitted in that area.

Converting Ashes

One option for the disposition of cremated remains, that is gaining popularity in Northern Europe, is converting the ashes into glass, diamonds or some other memorial token. Ashes may be fused with molten glass or turned into synthetic diamonds to then be used in memorials or even jewelry.

Cemetery Burial

Just like a casket, cremation urns can be buried in a cemetery plot. The cemetery plot may be specially designated as a cremation plot or a regular sized plot.

Making a Memorial

Cremated remains can also be incorporated into a memorial object, such as a bench, stone or marker. Normally, the ashes are held in an integrated repository. The memorial piece can then be placed in a garden, cemetery or other location

It's Not Moving On, It's Moving Forward

Thu, 06 Aug 2020 20:10:46 GMT

In 2014, writer Nora McInerny suffered three tragedies; the loss of her father to cancer, a second miscarriage, and the passing of her husband to glioblastoma. Since this terrible year, Nora has been able to work through her grief and channel it into her new career as an author, podcaster, and founder of a non-profit. In a recent TED Talk, she explains her biggest pet peeve is when people say she “moved on.” Nora likes to think of her life since 2014 as “moving forward” and gives her reasons why.

First, Nora recognizes that everyone will experience loss in their lives, and people need to come to terms with death. She believes that is why death is an important topic to discuss and be open to talking about. When you recognize loss as an important topic, then you can continue to talk about the passing of your loved one and work through your grief. Support groups are a great environment for this.

Next, Nora states that no grief is “normal.” People experience grief in different ways and often feel conflicting emotions. The only commonality in grief is that everyone feels it from time to time, and it is okay to be emotional.

At one point during her TED Talk, Nora explains why she doesn’t like the term “moving on.” Moving on implies that you leave your loved one’s memory behind you, in order to get on with your life. Instead, by viewing her life as “moving forward,” Nora shows that she is able to cope with her loss, while keeping the memory of her family alive in her heart.

Nora closes with her view on the next chapter of her life. Tragedy can never end with a “happily ever after;” however, you can move forward to the next chapter growing from your loss and find happiness in life again. All you need to do is remember the loved ones you’ve lost and open your heart to new love.

View Nora’s full TED Talk about Moving Forward

Responding To Sympathy Social Media Messages, Calls And Texts

Wed, 24 Jun 2020 20:14:56 GMT

It’s typical to receive sympathy cards when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one. However, a new norm of sympathy calls, texts or social media messages has emerged. While grieving, the constant influx of technology, voicemails, texts and social media messages are more difficult to deal with than a card. When you receive a sympathy card, there is no time frame or obligation for reading the card or responding. However, with phone calls, texts and social media messages, there is an expectation of an immediate response.

When grieving, it is difficult enough to get through your daily routine. Receiving sympathy messages through texts, phone calls and social media may seem impossible to escape. So how exactly should you deal with these messages?

First and foremost, to avoid being overwhelmed with messages you can turn your phone on “do not disturb” when focusing on grieving or just want some time alone to reflect. It’s important to remember not to feel obligated to respond to messages right away. Set aside a time to respond to messages.

It’s vital to understand that there is no “correct” way to respond to sympathy messages. Each person can do things their own way that they are comfortable with. For phone calls, don’t feel obligated to call back right away. If a phone call is too difficult for you to handle at the time, responding with a text is perfectly fine. It may be easier to type out your feelings rather than say them out loud.

When responding to social media messages and texts, you can choose to keep it brief or write a lengthier response. It may also depend on the person and what their message said. For someone you are close with, it may feel right for you to respond with a longer message that is more heartfelt. If the message is simply along the lines of “I’m sorry for your loss” a simple “thank you” is usually enough. The response you send should be whatever you are comfortable with. There is no correct way that you must reply. Remember that people who sent the message are not looking for a response but rather a way to show you their support during this difficult time.

If you don’t feel up to responding to each individual message on social media, you could opt to write a single longer post expressing your thanks for the kind words to everyone.

Everyone grieves differently; responding to messages may help some people grieve but may be too painful for others. Your family and friends will understand if you need some privacy. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s the right decision for your grieving process.

Helping A Grieving Parent With The Death Of A Spouse

Wed, 24 Jun 2020 20:13:00 GMT

Coping with the loss of a spouse is a devastating challenge; likewise, losing a parent is one of the hardest obstacles many people have to face throughout life. When faced with your own tremendous grief, how can one provide their surviving parent with the needed support to overcome their grief of losing their beloved partner? It’s a common situation that many adult children will face. While there is no easy solution, there are some helpful tips and strategies to help ease your parent’s grief, while managing your own.

It’s important to remember that everyone experiences grief differently. The grieving process for losing a spouse and for losing a parent will differ. Because of this, make sure to let your grieving parent express their emotions and communicate their needs. One person may merely want to know that they have the support of friends and family, while another may be so devastated that they can’t find the will to leave their bed.

One of the biggest challenges that comes with the death of a spouse is excepting the new reality of everyday life. Many spouses divvy up tasks such as cooking meals, paying bills and cleaning. If the surviving spouse never handled the couple’s finances, suddenly being thrown into these tasks can be overwhelming. If you are aware of which parent handled what duties around the house, lend a helping hand in these new areas. Filling in the gaps of these everyday tasks will help aid in your parent’s grieving process and be a constant reminder of the support system they have.

In addition to new tasks, there is a reoccurring reminder of their loss by the absence of their spouse. In many cases, the surviving spouse was also the primary caregiver to the ailing spouse. Devoting a majority of you time to caring for a loved one can be emotionally draining however, when that help is no longer needed, it can cause feelings of guilt, loneliness and loss.

To help cope with this void, look into support groups or local activities that might interest your parent. Ask your parents’ friends to stop by occasionally to visit. Take the extra time to invite your parent for a walk, have dinner or catch a movie. Having the chance to get out of the home that shares all the memories of their spouse can be a great distraction.

There is no standard on how long it should take anyone to grieve the loss of a loved one, particularly a spouse. However, do watch for signs that your parent may be struggling to overcome their grief. If these signs are present, make arrangements for your parent to talk with a doctor or counselor for additional help.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Tue, 02 Jun 2020 20:17:51 GMT

When people think of grief, they usually relate it to the period following the death of a loved one. What many people don’t realize is that the grieving process can actually start before someone has died.

Anticipatory grief is a reaction that occurs before an impending loss. Family and friends of someone who is suffering from a debilitating condition, has declining health or is in hospice care are examples of situations that may trigger anticipatory grief. This type of grief can be more difficult or intense than normal post-death grief.

Intellectually, we all understand that “everyone has to go sometime,” but being faced with inevitability on a day-to-day basis can increase anxiety about how much time we have left with our loved ones. Symptoms of anticipatory grief can vary and may include: a heightened concerned for the loved one, imagining their death, a greater sense of urgency to complete unfinished business, depression, exhaustion, and mourning the loss of their loved one’s independence and personality.

It is important to remember that while anticipatory grief is natural and can actually help prepare for the loss of a loved one, it can also be overwhelming. There are things that can help you cope if you experience anticipatory grief.

Connect with others: The stress created from anticipatory grief can be great, so make sure you stay connected with people. This can be family, friends or support groups that include others going through the same type of situations.

Reflect on the remaining time: Reflect on how you want to spend the remaining time with your loved one. Share old memories, talk with them about their bucket list and discuss their final wishes. Don’t allow the stress of the situation diminish the time you do have left.

Take care of yourself: Make sure you are taking time to take care of you. Finding an outlet for your stress will help you through this difficult process.

Rely on your support system: Often, when people are stressed, they resist accepting help from their support systems. Falling back on others and accepting their help will relieve some of your stress and allow you to enjoy some of the remaining time with your loved one.

The last thing to note about anticipatory grief is that those who experience this type of grief are not immune to experiencing the separate and different grief once their loved one passes. While neither is easy, each type of grief is normal when experiencing loss.

When A Friend Dies - Helping Teenagers Cope

Tue, 02 Jun 2020 20:16:36 GMT

Unfortunately, while growing up, many teens will suffer the loss of a friend suddenly or unexpectedly. Dealing with a death is difficult enough, but an unexpected death often brings with it a sense of unreality for survivors. Feeling dazed or numb is a natural part of the grieving process that allows a teen’s emotions time to catch up with the reality of death.

The death of a loved one can be a shattering experience for anyone, but teenagers may have a more difficult time dealing with their grief in the midst of going through their often trying transition into adulthood. Friends and family should keep this in mind and understand that, although teenagers may have grown up enough to look like adults, they still need the same level of compassionate support that younger children require. Remember that their physical development normally outpaces their emotional development.

The best way to help teens who have suffered a loss is to allow them the time they need to grieve. Be open and honest with them in discussing their loss. If you are seeing signs that a teenager is having an especially difficult time coping, consider exploring other support services that are available. It may be necessary to seek assistance from school counselors, church groups or youth counselors.

Coping With the Loss of a Loved One from Suicide

Tue, 02 Jun 2020 20:15:44 GMT

The death of a loved one by suicide is a terribly tragic event, which can leave deep emotional scars for family and friends. Coping with the suicide of a loved one is often more difficult than dealing with a death by natural causes.

Suicide carries a social stigma, making it difficult to discuss with others and leaving families feeling isolated in their grief. It’s important to remember when facing the suicide of a loved one, that there are people who have suffered the same type of loss and can lend support.

Grief stemming from the suicide of a loved one can manifest itself in a variety of powerful emotions. It may be shock or disbelief of the situation. Suicide is a difficult circumstance to accept as reality. Another powerful emotion is anger - about feeling abandoned or missing clues. Some people also feel strong a sense of guilt. Many surviving loved ones will question if it was their fault or if they could have done something differently to prevent it.

Denying or suppressing these feelings will only make things more difficult. Family and friends should be honest with themselves about what they are feeling and accept that having these emotions is perfectly normal. Once you accept that experiencing a broad range of emotions is normal, you can start to work through them.

Talking with your family, friends and other support systems will help you to better understand you own emotions and help to lessen them as time goes by. If you feel you need additional support, there are many groups and resources available to help work through your emotions, including groups specifically for the loved ones of suicide victims.

Keep in mind that there’s no “right” way to grieve. There is also no “right” amount of time to grieve. You will need to work through this process at your own pace. While grieving, it is important to know that suicide is a tragedy that cannot be predicted. The circumstances were beyond your control and an internal struggle for the individual.

The pain of loss will never fully go away but through support and acceptance, it is possible to reestablish a routine and to learn to live again.

Sorting Through Your Loved One’s Belongings

Thu, 30 Apr 2020 20:23:23 GMT

Losing a loved one is never easy. When you’re grieving this loss while trying to move forward without this person, you’re often left with little energy or emotional capability for much more. Unfortunately there are items that need to be taken care of after the funeral occurs. One of these tasks is sorting through your loved one’s belongings. Physically, this is no small job and emotionally, it will take a toll because of all the memories you will be confronted with and feelings of guilt, frustration, and sadness at having to part with more of this person. So what is the best way to navigate this task?

The first step is to make a game plan. Writing out your plan of attack can help make the job easier. You need to decide if you will go room by room, floor-by-floor, or will you tackle it in groups of items such as clothing first, books second, furniture third, etc.? By writing out your plan you will stay on track. Plus the sense of accomplishment each time you check off an item from your list will keep you going.

The other part of your game plan should be how you’re going to break items into the Keep, Donate, Family Requests, and Trash categories. Make sure you talk with other family members before starting the clean out process so you know ahead of time what items they wish to have. This will save a large headache later on. It is also important to give yourself a limit on how much you are willing to take into your own home. Setting this limit will help you avoid piling 20 boxes of items in your garage that you don’t have room for.

After your game plan is set, you should think about help from others to get through the process. First, consider how much help you want and then think about what type of help you want. Some prefer to sort through possessions by themselves while others need a support system. Sometimes it helps to have others there to share in your grief plus they can help you part with items that are too difficult to get rid of on your own. They can be your voice of reason as well as a shoulder to cry on. Another option for those who don’t have the time or the emotional capacity to go through all of these possessions, is hiring a professional organizer who will go through the items for you.

Developing a timeline can also be helpful. How much time do you have to sort through all the belongings? Deciding on your timeline can then help you determine how long you think you can work each day before you become overwhelmed or too exhausted to be productive. If you know that emotionally you can’t spend more than 3 hours a day sorting through items then set your alarm at the start of each clean out session so you don’t overdo it.

The last piece of advice is to go into this process having decided you won’t feel guilt over the decisions you make. Deciding to donate or throw away certain items is not throwing away your loved one. You have the memories of them and the time you shared which is far more important than the physical object. Making it through the sorting process is one more step towards helping you get to a place where you can enjoy the memories you have.

How To Honor Your Mother On Mother’s Day, Even If She’s Gone

Thu, 30 Apr 2020 20:22:30 GMT

Mother’s Day can prove to be challenging for anyone who is mourning the loss of their mother, even long after she passed. It can also be difficult to find meaningful ways to honor your mother and her life on Mother’s Day. Even though your mother is no longer here, you can still celebrate and remember her in ways that reflect the life that was unique to her.

Say It With Flowers

White carnations are traditionally the flowers chosen to remember mothers who are no longer with us. Pick up a bouquet and leave it at her gravesite or scatter them where her cremains are. If she had another favorite flower she loved, buy those instead. If you’re looking to create a quiet reminder, place a vase of flowers next to a picture or lit candle.

Cook Up Her Favorite Dish

If there was a special meal or favorite “comfort food” your mother cooked that you remember, honor her memory by cooking that dish. Invite your family and friends over and make an event out of it by sharing some of your happiest mealtime memories.

Pay It Forward

Make a donation in her memory to a cause that was dear to your mother’s heart. You may want to consider volunteering a few hours of your time to benefit others. It’s even as simple as buying a strangers meal at your mother’s favorite restaurant or buying coffee for the person behind you. If your mother had another favorite way of showing kindness to others, perform that act on behalf of her. Or if there is a favorite memory you had with your mom of helping others, partake in that event in memory of her.

Plant A Memory Garden

If your mother loved to garden, then honor her memory by planting a garden of your own. Doesn’t need to be anything extreme, it could simply be a potted flower on a windowsill. Involve your family by planting one together and reminiscing on the memories you had with her.

Take A Road Trip

Was your mother one to enjoy adventure or maybe she had a favorite vacation spot? Whether it was near or far, gather your family and plan a trip as a tribute to your mother. Share the memories you have there as well as create new ones.

It is never easy coping with the death of a loved one especially on days such as Mother’s Day. Celebrating your mother’s life this Mother’s Day may bring comfort through reminiscing with family and friends. There are countless ways to honor a lost mother; the important point is to embrace her spirit and keep her memory alive.

Preplanning Your Funeral While You’re Young

Thu, 26 Mar 2020 20:25:06 GMT

Preplanning your funeral isn’t something you have to wait to do when you’re older. Meet thirty-three year old Susie Bearne of Margate, England who decided to make planning her funeral a priority.

Susie is healthy and quite optimistic about living a long life. But over the years, thoughts about her own funeral constantly popped up in her mind. Who would turn up? What music would be played? Since she wouldn’t be there to orchestrate the day, she often wondered how her funeral would play out. How would her family know who to invite? Would her life be represented the way she wanted to?

She saw her funeral as a major life event that needed to be planned for. Just as others plan their weddings, she wanted to plan her funeral. She didn’t want her final soiree to be her own worst party.

That’s when she knew it was time to meet with a funeral planner. After considering different options, she was able to make decisions about everything that she wanted for her service. She decided on a candle-lit service in a historical house in London. Friends and family will be welcomed with glasses of champagne to drink during the service and all will be encouraged to stand up and share anecdotes. Susie’s other requirements included: no embalming, a bamboo coffin, and a woodland burial near her parents’ home, complete with a tree planted nearby.

Susie isn’t the only one who is preplanning her funeral while she is young and healthy. As society changes, more people are becoming comfortable with talking about death. Many people are adding preplanning their funeral to their to-do list, allowing them to personalize what they would like for their service. Taking the time to preplan, at any age, relieves your family from having to make decisions during a difficult time and allows them to focus on navigating the grieving process.

Being Supportive During Times of Grief

Thu, 26 Mar 2020 20:24:18 GMT

Losing a loved one is one of life’s most difficult experiences, yet one that all of us must eventually face. It can be equally difficult to be the friend of someone who is grieving—you want to help but are afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing or making the person feel even worse. Often times, friends feel there’s nothing they can do to make things any better for those coping with a loss. It is true that you cannot take away the pain, but you certainly can provide comfort and support. Just letting your loved ones know that you care and that you are ready, willing and able to do what is needed can make the difference in someone’s outlook. We offer some practical advice on how to help someone who is grieving. I wasn’t able to attend the funeral. Is it OK to visit several days later? Bereavement is a long process. The healing provided by family and friends is not just limited to the immediate funeral services. Our lives have become so busy that not everyone is able to attend the services, but don’t let that stop you from making time to visit later on. Call ahead to make sure that it’s a convenient time. Be considerate and limit the length of your visit. How do I know if they want visitors or just want to be alone? The best way to know is to simply ask if they would like visitors. When inquiring about a visit, let them know that you understand this can be a difficult time and you want be considerate of their needs. Reassure them that it’s OK to say no. If they are not up for visitors now, call periodically to offer to visit. If they continually decline your offers, respectfully accept this. Don’t be pushy. What should I say to them? It is common to feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Many people do not know what to say or do. The American Cancer Society offers these suggestions to use as a guideline when struggling with how to start that difficult conversation.

Acknowledge the situation.
Express your concern.
Be genuine in your communication and don't hide your feelings
Ask how he or she feels, and don't assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.

Are there things I should avoid talking about?
While you should never force someone to talk about anything that makes them uncomfortable, remember that it is important for the bereaved to talk about their loved one and remember them to others. The best thing you can to is to be a compassionate listener. Let the grieving person talk about how their loved one died. Acknowledge their feelings and offer reassurance without minimizing their loss. Most importantly, be willing to sit with them in silence.

I’ve offered to help, but they haven’t asked for assistance. What should I do?
Remember that people don’t always like to ask for help; especially during a time of grief they might feel afraid, too depressed or not motivated enough to ask. Make a concerted effort to offer specific assistance with everyday tasks. By being proactive, you make it easier for the individual to accept your offer.

What type of things should I offer to help with?
Offer practical assistance that will either help them handle everyday chore or provide an outlet to help deal with their grief.

Shop for groceries or run errands
Help with housework and laundry
Babysit or shuttle children to school events and activities
Attend a support group or meeting with them
Take them on a walk
Enjoy lunch or a movie together
Suggest activities to share that will help shift the person’s thoughts to something else

How long should I continue to offer help?
A person’s grief continues long after the funeral is over and the hustle and bustle of surrounding family is gone. There is no exact length of time for grieving, and all of us struggle with our emotions for varying amounts of time. To be the most help, prepare to provide ongoing support so that the person knows someone is there for them after the sympathy cards and flowers have stopped arriving. Remember to offer extra support on special days—holidays, anniversaries, etc.

How do I know if their behavior is a normal part of grieving?
We need to allow mourners to move through the grieving process at their own pace, but it is important to watch for warning signs that may indicate that a person is not accepting the loss or is moving into a more serious problem such as clinical depression.

If it has been more than two months since the loss, and the person is still experiencing symptoms such as difficulty functioning in daily life, extreme bitterness or hopeless, alcohol or drug use or neglecting personal hygiene among others, it may be time to encourage them to seek professional help in order to regain control of their life.

Burial Plan Set Asides That Satisfy Medicaid Spend Down Rules

Mon, 09 Mar 2020 20:29:39 GMT

If someone in your family needs to qualify for Medicaid coverage to provide long term care, you need to consider options for setting aside burial plan funds. Spend down money, which is set aside for burial plans, is then categorized as exempt assets.

Spend down is the process of divesting an individual’s assets down to the amount that makes them eligible for Medicaid coverage for long term care. Most state Medicaid programs allow certain assets to be exempt from consideration. In this article, we are limiting the discussion to prepaid funeral plans.

It’s important to know that Medicaid rules vary from state to state and are constantly changing. In Pennsylvania, the spending limits are established by each county.

There are two components to burial plan set asides - burial funds and burial space items. Burial funds are for services provided by a funeral home. Burial space items are related to merchandise and items associated with the burial of a body. A licensed funeral director can help you through the process of determining what funds you can set aside in each of these categories.

Typically, burial funds are placed in an irrevocable prepaid funeral account. In Pennsylvania, the maximum amount allowed is determined by each county and changes from year to year. With an irrevocable account, the funds are protected and preserved to cover future funeral expenses.

Burial space items can be purchased in advance for most of the Medicaid applicant’s family members, including their siblings, spouse, children and their spouses. This provision includes adoptive and stepchildren. Funds for burial space items must be set up as irrevocable contracts in order to be considered exempt.

The purchase of a prepaid funeral contract is an important part of a Medicaid spend down plan, so be sure to consult a licensed funeral director to assist you with setting up a properly structured prepaid funeral plan.

The Loss of a Pet

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 21:32:11 GMT

A recent article by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, an expert on grief, explored why some people experience deep grief with the loss of a pet. Unlike some nations, in America, 84% of people consider their pets to be a member of the family. Dr. Wolfelt’s article cites a survey that indicates that 99 percent of pet owners talk to their pets, and 54 percent celebrate their pet’s birthday. We even have greeting cards specifically for pets.

When an animal, who is considered a family member dies, families experience a significant loss. But society doesn’t provide for the same acknowledgement of mourning as it does when a human member of the family dies. Some who may not have experienced the same special bond with pets may dismiss your grief. Others may consider animals to be easily replaceable and encourage you to go out and get another pet right away in order to help with your grief.

Before you bring another pet into the family, realize that everyone needs time to grieve and heal after a pet dies. Like with any loss, each person has their own timeline and ways that they move through the process of grief, some faster than others.

Truth be told, we may have more interactions and daily routines that we develop with our pets than the humans in our lives. Since we are responsible for their care, we spend a great deal of time walking them, playing and feeding them. Our interactions with pets become ingrained in the fabric of our lives and when they die our daily routine is disrupted, a constant reminder of the loss.

As with human death, acknowledging the loss in a tangible way helps start the healing process. There’s no rule that says you can’t have a funeral for a pet. Consider ways that will help your family gather and pay tribute to a pet who was loved. Be sure to involve your children and allow them to grieve for their pet. Any child old enough to love is old enough to grieve and many children have very special bonds with their pets.

Dr. Wolfelt explains, “You may not experience the same depth of loss as your children when a family pet dies. Your response during this time can make the difference whether children’s first exposure to death will be a positive or a negative part of their personal growth and development.”

Can I Transfer My Pre-Arrangements To Another Funeral Home?

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 21:31:02 GMT

Making funeral arrangements in advance makes a lot of sense. Taking care of things ahead of time is a gift to loved ones that spares them the stress of having to do it during such an emotional time. You can also save money because you can decide exactly what type of service you want. But sometimes, due to a move to another town or simply changing your mind about which funeral home you want to use; you may need to transfer your arrangements.

Pennsylvania law requires that money related to prearranged funeral contracts be placed in escrow by a licensed organization. Preneed contracts are usually done through insurance or a trust fund. At the time of making arrangements, the original funeral home should have provided you with a copy of the paperwork related to your selection and any funding.

If you decide that you would like to transfer your pre-arrangements to another funeral home, the first thing you need to determine is if you prefunded the arrangements. If you only made funeral plans, but did not prefund; making a transfer is as simple as notifying the funeral home where you would like your paperwork transferred. It may be helpful to ask the staff at the new funeral home to assist with this process.

If you have prefunded in some form, the process to transfer arrangements requires a few more steps. In most cases, it’s helpful to ask the staff of the funeral home you want to transfer arrangement to, to assist with the process. Here are some common ways that funerals are prefunded and what you need to do to transfer them.

Funeral Insurance Policy

These type of policies are written specifically to cover funeral costs. Funeral homes often work with specialized insurance companies to set up these policies. Unlike a general life insurance policy that has a person(s) as beneficiary, these policies name the funeral home as the beneficiary. The funeral home must provide documentation about the services that they provide in order for any insurance monies to be paid to them. The funeral home does not receive any funds until services have been provided.

To transfer an insurance policy, you simply need to contact the insurance company and notify them of the change of funeral home beneficiary. More than likely, you will need to fill out a form and send it to the insurance company.

Funeral Trust

Another option for prepaying funeral costs is to set up a trust with a financial institution. The money needed to fund the funeral is deposited into an interest bearing account that the financial institution holds on your behalf. In many cases, the funeral home is designated as the recipient of the trust to offset expenses after your death.

To transfer a funeral trust account, you should contact the financial institution and notify them that you want to change the beneficiary. Some paperwork may be necessary.

If you would like to transfer your pre-arrangements, simply call us. We can assist you with the transfer process at no cost to you.

Filing A Tax Return For Deceased Relatives

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 21:34:28 GMT

In most cases, when it comes to individual income taxes, the final tax return is prepared and filed in much the same way that it was when the person was alive. It is the executor’s job to file the deceased person’s state and federal returns. Often, the executor is the surviving spouse.

The first step is to gather all the necessary forms and information for the decedent. This includes W-2s, 1099s, and any interest statements. If you’re unsure if you have received all of the necessary tax documents, you can submit a request to the IRS to obtain all tax forms for the decedent. The IRS website - www.irs.gov – has many helpful tips and instructions. Visit the IRS website to find out what documents, including death certificate, you need to provide in order for the IRS to provide you with the information that you need.

Once you have gathered all the forms and tax information, you will need to decide if you are filing a joint return. If the return is a joint tax return, then the surviving spouse shares the responsibility for filing. The return should be signed with a note that reads “filing as surviving spouse” in the space for the decedent’s signature. Keep in mind that if the executor is not the surviving spouse then they must also sign the return in addition to the spouse.

Any income made between the start of the year and the person’s date of death should be reported on the final return. The income information will need to be listed on Form 1040 in addition to exemptions and deductions. If there was income made after the date of death then that is considered the estate’s income and will need a separate tax return for the estate if it is over $600.

Once you have filled out all the required information, write the word “deceased” across the top of Form 1040. Include the decedent’s name and the date of death. You will also write “deceased” or “filing as surviving spouse” in the place of the person’s signature at the bottom of the form. If you have questions or concerns, visit a tax accountant or the IRS website.

Answers To Common Questions About Cremation

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 21:33:30 GMT

Cremation is becoming increasingly more common and has even surpassed burial rates in some states. According to the National Funeral Director Association, in 2015 over 44% of people in Pennsylvania chose to have their remains cremated. In the entire United States, 49% chose to be cremated. When considering the option of cremation, some questions come to mind.

If I choose cremation, does that mean I cannot have a funeral or memorial service?
Unlike what you may have heard – choosing cremation still allows for a funeral or memorial service. Grief experts state that most families are better able to cope with the reality of the loss, when they have a time to view the body and say their final goodbyes. Traditional or contemporary services can be arranged before the cremation to allow loved ones to “say goodbye.” In addition, services can be arranged after the cremation process to honor your loved one.

What can I do with the cremated remains?
With cremation, there are a wide array of options to honor the memory of a loved one. Many people choose to place the cremated remains in an urn, which can be buried, placed in a columbarium or kept at home. The cremated remains can also be divided into several urns for multiple family members. Other people choose to spread the remains in a location(s) that hold a special significance. One option that is gaining popularity is to place the cremated remains in cremation jewelry or glass.

Are there regulations on where I can scatter the cremated remains?
The scattering of cremated remains can take place on private property, on public lands, in a cemetery, in a body or water, or even shot into the air in a fireworks display. It is important to remember that there are certain local or state laws that govern to the scattering of remains. Make sure to abide by them on both public and private land

What is the impact of scattering cremated remains?
Cremated remains can be scattered a number of ways. Some families choose to only scatter a partial amount of the remains and have the rest buried or inurned in a cemetery, while others choose to scatter the cremated remains at one or several different locations. The locations chosen are often tied to a significant memory of that loved one and help to keep their memory alive. It is important to remember that when opting to scatter all of the cremated remains, this negates the ability to have a permanent marker, where others can visit and reflect. To fill the need for a permanent marker, a visitation location can be created by setting a plaque at the scattering site or having a memorial garden.

What do I need to do if I have to transport remains by a commercial airplane?
When travelling by air, TSA has specific restrictions about flying with cremated remains. TSA allows the escort of cremated remains. However, there are some airlines who do not allow cremated remains in checked bags, so it important to check with your airline about possible restrictions. TSA suggests placing the remains in containers that are easily scanned by XRAY, such as wood or plastic. If TSA officers cannot clearly see what is in the container, the container will not be allowed to be transported. Out of the respect for the deceased, screeners will not open a container.

If you have further questions about cremation, please contact the Buch Family of Funeral.

Helping Your Parents Preplan

Wed, 08 Jan 2020 21:36:05 GMT

Talking with your parents about their funeral wishes may not be something you’ve considered doing, but there are many benefits in taking this important step. You can help your parents complete the preplanning process. By talking with your parents now, you can ensure that any decision they make now is with a clear mind.

Preplanning ensures that you know what their wishes are so that they can be fulfilled. Talking with your parents about preplanning will provide you with information you likely didn’t know before. Many questions need to be addressed during the funeral planning process, if you already know your parent’s wishes; you can answer with confidence.

Sitting down and going through the preplanning process as a family can also help to prevent future family disagreements. The loss of a loved one is a very emotional time, and if a family is torn about which options to choose, emotions can run high. Even when a general consensus is reached, family members can sometimes continue to feel anxiety, doubt and regret about the decisions that were made. However, if you sit down with your parents now to determine exactly what they want, everyone will experience greater peace in the future knowing their final wishes were honored.

Planning in advance can also help to keep the cost of a funeral down. When planning a funeral at a time of need, emotions often play a huge factor that results in overspending to get a loved one the “best” options as a way to show our love. Sitting down with your parents now to discuss exactly what their wishes are, can help defray costs. Prefunding can also be arranged in advance to relieve the burden from family members.

Lastly, preplanning their funeral can provide your parents with peace of mind, knowing everything is taken care of. Your family can rest easy knowing that the difficult decisions are already made.

Discovering Your Family History

Wed, 08 Jan 2020 21:35:18 GMT

Ever wonder about your family history? Maybe how your family emigrated to America or even who your notable relatives are? Ancestry research tools are becoming more available online, encouraging many to dive into their family history. After recording the basic information of for your immediate family, what’s next? Many genealogy experts recommend beginning with the final chapter—the record of an ancestor’s death. Death records are a great resource and are usually available to the general public. If you haven’t yet used death records in your ancestry research, here’s what you need to know to get started.

The death certificate is a primary source for the details of an ancestor’s passing, such as the date, place and time of death. It also can be a rich source of secondary information for an ancestor’s life, providing clues to everything from birth and parents to spouse and last residence. The names you find in a death record can possibly lead you to other relatives, or perhaps even uncover another generation of your family. The name of the informant on the death certificate could also be exactly the clue you need to solve a maiden-name mystery. The residential address listed can aid your search in census records, city directories or land records. Besides just filling in blanks in your family tree, dates can point you to other records, such as newspaper obituaries, passenger records or other vital records. Even the cause of death could help in building a medical family history or prompting a search for newspaper articles about the fatality.

Obtaining death records depends on when and where the records were generated. Most states did not require death records to be kept until the mid-19th century to early 20th century. If the record you want falls within this time period, you can usually find it at the state department of vital records (fees vary from state to state). Although privacy restrictions more commonly affect the availability of birth records, you may run into similar roadblocks with death certificates. Some states keep death records private unless you are an immediate relative.

Death records can usually be obtained at the health department or vital records office in the county that the death occurred. The same records available at these locations can also be ordered through third-party businesses such as VitalCheck. A handful of states provide online access to digitized death records.

You may also find your ancestor in a death index that was compiled by someone doing their own ancestry research. The popular Ancestry.com uses a death index where you can then request the actual death record. Other substitutes include: contacting the funeral home in which the service took place, searching through local newspapers, asking churches for records of death of their members, coroner records and military records.

One way or another, your ancestor’s final chapter is out there for you to read. Although documentation was limited in the past, there is a trail of your ancestry; you just have to find it.

When A Friend Dies - Helping Teenagers Cope

Wed, 16 May 2018 20:41:04 GMT

Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season

Wed, 16 May 2018 20:39:18 GMT

Each year prior to the holidays, Buch Funeral Home has been honored to offer “Creating Memories of a Lifetime,” a program that allows local residents to learn how to better cope with their grief. We understand, though, that a brief program may not be enough to help every individual deal with their loss, especially if the death of a loved one has been very recent.

Internationally noted author Dr. Alan Wolfelt offers some strategies for managing grief during the holidays. The author of Living in the shadow of the Ghosts of Grief: Step into the Light and Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transitions serves as an educational consultant to funeral homes, hospices, hospitals and schools across the U.S. Following is an excerpt from Dr. Wolfelt on handling your grief during the upcoming holiday season.

Love Does Not End With Death
Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief—a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has died.

No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year. As you read through this article, remember that by being tolerant and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal.

Talk About Your Grief
During the holiday season, don't be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won't make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen—without judging you. They will help make you feel understood.

Be Tolerant of Your Physical and Psychological Limits
Feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season.

Eliminate Unnecessary Stress
You may already feel stressed, so don't overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely "keeping busy" won't distract you from your grief, but may actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief.

Be With Supportive, Comforting People
Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings—both happy and sad.

Talk About the Person Who Has Died
Include the person's name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life.

Do What Is Right for You During the Holidays
Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend.

Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings
Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens.

Embrace Your Treasure of Memories
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it's alright to cry. Memories that were made in love—no one can ever take them away from you.

Renew Your Resources for Living
Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life— past, present and future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you.

Express Your Faith
During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony.

As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don't let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.

Are You An Insurance Beneficiary?

Wed, 16 May 2018 20:37:09 GMT

In mid-April, insurance giant MetLife reached a multi-state settlement with insurance regulators, who accused the company of delaying or denying death benefit payments to policyholders. The settlement came after a year-long investigation into MetLife’s practices and resulted in MetLife paying $500 million to designated beneficiaries.

According to the investigation, MetLife failed to thoroughly use the Social Security Administration’s database to make prompt payments to survivors. Regulators in states that included Pennsylvania, California, Illinois, North Dakota and several others concluded that when MetLife was made aware that a policyholder had died, the company often did not make payments to listed beneficiaries or even contact them. In some cases, where benefits went unclaimed for several years, MetLife did not forward funds to the states’ controllers’ offices, as required by law.

This settlement emphasizes the need to be informed and fully understand what insurance policies are in place and who is designated as beneficiary. Not only should you be aware of what policies exist, but you also need to know how to submit the necessary forms and collect any benefits that are due to you. Many of the individuals affected in the MetLife case were able to be taken advantage of simply because they didn’t even know they were a beneficiary in someone else’s insurance policy.

The first step is to determine if there are any life insurance policies that were in effect at the time of death. Keep in mind that some policies may not have been purchased directly by the deceased. Insurance coverage may have been provided in conjunction with a traveler’s club membership, health insurance plans, fraternal organizations or a credit card company. In addition, you should contact current or past employers to determine if there were any policies written through the company.

In order to confirm the existence of a policy, it is important to review the deceased’s personal papers and checkbook records which may reveal copies of policies or payment records. Once you confirm the existence of a policy, you should contact the insurance agent or the company for help in filling out the necessary paperwork and confirming the insurance benefits. Unfortunately, some insurance policies may have been written long ago under a company who is no longer in existence or now operating under a new name.

There are several organizations that can assist you in locating a missing policy. The Pennsylvania Insurance Department will answer consumer’s questions about policies. Their website www.insurance.state.pa.us/dsf/gfsearch.html includes contact information for all companies licensed in Pennsylvania. You can also contact them via their toll free number, 877-881-6388 or visit their regional office in Strawberry Square, downtown Harrisburg.